Here this will help you sleep...

2011, What a roller coaster of a year!!!

2011-12-29T08:55:00.000-08:00

What an eventful year to reflect on. I'm sitting at my desk, that has an incredible view of the western end of the Heber Valley and the stunning snow spotted Wasatch Range, and trying to figure out where to start on this post. A number of years ago a friend of mine died and at his funeral another friend started talking about tombstones. He was talking about the dates on them and the dash in between. One day you pop out and that's the first date then on the second date you are called back to God. In between you get this dash. That dash is yours to do what you want with. Some make it count and some piss it away, I guess that's me being a judge and that isn't the place that I have the right to be in, nor is it beneficial in any way for me to be there. I'll try that again. Some make it count and some could use some Love getting past existing part and into the living part of the dash. This year had a very life changing last number in it for me.

On October 8th I found my father dead after he had committed suicide. One brief moment turned my whole world completely upside down. It has been almost three months and that moment is constantly on my mind. It's not as bad as it was but it still plagues my dreams and taints my happiness...but not as much as it did last month. I could go into this for a very long time but here is the cliff notes version. He killed himself because of the dark place that he allowed himself to go to and I will not allow that in my own life, the only life that I truly control. My sister and I have become closer than ever and continue to grow our love and respect for each other as each decision in the mess that followed his death has come up. My mother is simply amazing! My girlfriend has stood next to me and supported me the best that she can and hash't given up on me through my mood swings and indecisiveness. Forgiveness is a must and often times has to happen numerous times in an moment for the same thing. I am richly blessed in friends and family. Life is good! It really is much more than just a t-shirt logo.

On to the rest of the year, I had to get that out of the way so that I could focus on the rest with out it's dark cloud over it. I started out the year on crutches after dropping a gun safe on my foot and having surgery to try and fix it. My foot isn't the same but I can still do all of the things that I love doing so we're still ahead of the game! I had a man tantrum in the drive way one morning when both crutches slide out form under me on the ice. I threw my crutches and laid there on the ground cussing very upset at my situation. Now I just laugh at it, I love perspective! Just before the tantrum a man had fallen through my ceiling. It's kind of hard not to chuckle, isn't it? Even though I was on crutches I had my father next door and my mother, sister and beautiful niece a mile away. I lived in a beautiful place and was about to meet another soul that would change my life.

I got the cast off after two months in it and on crutches. I had broke two casts in that time, done wheelies down the street on my dirt bike with my leg hanging off the side. Got busted by mom while doing those wheelies and she was out on a walk. The bike spent awhile in the garage after that. I got pretty good at Black Ops on the X-Box. Learned how to do all kinds of things like snow blow and fix fences while on one foot. Oh yeah, I chased horses, that got out, as well! Shortly after I became a biped again I went on a date with a crazy Armenian woman who like to touch my beard on our first date. I just got off the phone with her :-) I was able to get in about ten days of boarding but had to take off my boot between runs because the swelling in my foot didn't let it get enough circulation but they were good days!!! I had my second surgery on the foot and was allowed to do my own stitches on an office visit a couple of weeks later. So cool!

My niece and I got to spend a lot of time together while my sister worked and I loved it! I love her so much!!! She calls me Beeba. I know that it doesn't sound anything like uncle Caleb but it sounds magical anyways. She loves motorized wheeled things. She loves cruising in the heavy equipment, on dirt bikes and quads, with her Grandfather on the riding mower and has even tried to get the push mower going. RC helicopters freak her out though! The morning after my father died she was walking around blabbering into a fake phone and made me smile. She does that a lot.

I was able to board the mountain with my mother and my father last winter. My Dad and I did some great rides in the mountains surrounding us. My dearest friend and I got to mix it up in the same mountains twice even though he still lives in Cali. I went to a hooka bar in San Fran with my two of my very good friends...then ran from the same hooka bar (still laughing). Went to the Cakebread Cellars winery in Napa and sampled fine wines then moved on to Redding where we played on the lake and golf course. I spent Valentines day in a hot tub with those two same friends and the wife of one of them. My girlfriend was a bit jealous and is still trying to wrap her head around the three guys in a hot tub on Valentines day thing.

I jumped a ravine in Swing Arm City Utah!!! My new found dirt biking buddy and I made a last minute trip to Goblin Valley and Swing Arm City to do some truly epic riding to ring in the new dirt biking season. Another friend took me to a motocross track for the first time and it was a blast. It would be way to easy to get really hurt out there! I'll stick with exploring the mountains on my bike. Normally I go through three rear tires to every one front tire but this year I found single track riding so tight and crazy that I tore off all of the side knobby's on my front tires that I had to replace them just as often. Well worth it!

Work has been fun with new challenges and exciting relationships. I am so blessed to get the opportunity to spend time with the youth that we get and with such a good team. It is difficult to pour so much into an individual and then watch them graduate and move on with their lives but it is also very rewarding.

My sister and mother have these neighbors that I love! We spend tons of time together and got to have some great days on the lake this summer. I can still wake board! I am still amazed at how good it feels to be in the water. I even traded a boat for a dirt bike. My mother and I got spend some great time together on it after it broke down and we paddled it half way across the lake.

I have entered into that scary place of loving a woman again. It is so great yet so scary! At least we're in it together. She has introduced me to fine dining, gambling in Wendover, sushi, Armenian, climbing, and a whole new world of gaming. Did you know that couples can actually sit down and enjoy the X-Box together?! Mind boggling!!! We have had to go into those self serving places and tear down those walls together a few times and continue to learn from them and come out stronger than before.

I was able to get one more day with my whole family together, smiling, happy, and real before my father died. We were playing with my niece on the floor together the night before he killed himself. It's so bittersweet. My sister and I went through all of the things that my grandparents left my father and us and found all kinds of treasures like my grandfathers dog tags from WWII or a ring that he had made that I now wear. We found my grandmothers sketch books and got to go through her paintings again. It has been an adventure learning more and more about their lives.

On Christmas Eve my aunt, uncle, grandmother, cousins, and girlfriend all came over to my mother and sisters house for a Christmas celebration. I love my family. It was nothing short of wonderful. Shortly before my father died I was driving home and was thinking how blessed my life was. I'm surrounded by loved ones in a beautiful place. He really is especially fond of me.

Two days ago I realized that I still hadn't been to Moab utah so I left work early, loaded up my truck and hit the road. I had a great day riding some of the most challenging and exciting terrain on the face of the earth.

2011 has taught me to bounce back, to love deeply, to appreciate the ones you love, to never take a day for granted, to be passionate, to forgive, to forgive again, to live and that God still loves me...a lot!

Okay 2012, I'm ready!!!!

Today is a great day to become an uncle!

2010-06-16T18:57:00.000-07:00

Today I officially became an uncle. I've been called uncle Caleb by a number of kids already and I love each of them so dearly but today my sister gave birth to my niece. She is incredible!!! I was at the door the whole time trying to catch what was happening inside the room. It was an emotional roller coaster for me. I was so frustrated because I couldn't take the pain from my sister. She's pretty flippin' tough, she did it naturally. That's right no epidural. I'm not saying that she didn't call for it, I'm just saying that she didn't get one. I was so tense. My fists were balled up, my shoulders were tight and my jaw was set. My mind was racing! I just wanted to take the pain from her so bad...then I heard my niece cry. My body loosened, my tears started and it became difficult to talk. In that one moment my body changed, my emotions changed and my life changed. I have so many dreams and hopes for her. On the nursery wall at the hospital there is this quote;

A new baby is the beginning of all things...
Wonder, Hope and a Dream of Possibilities.

She really is all of those things. There is something so pure and incredible about her. It's so unreal to hold her and think back to when my sister was born or to imagine myself like that. I Couldn't even imagine what it would be like if I were to be holding my own someday.

So the birth went pretty well. It was quick but obviously not painless. After the birth my sister bled out a fair amount of blood. When they took her to the bathroom she passed out and they called for us to help. I came into the room quickly and saw her in the wheel chair with her head back and her eyes open but rolled back. I've seen some horrible wrecks and more than my share of dying people and have always remained calm and collected. When I saw her my mind took off! I got to her as quickly as possible and lifted her to the bed then started checking her pulse and other such things while the nurses did their thing. This time was so different, I wasn't exact or totally calm like I used to be. It was scary.

She is doing fine now. I think she's eating a turkey sandwich actually.

Shortly after that she got a call from a dear friend who is pregnant and then I got a call from another one of her friends who wanted to let me know that one of their friends just lost her step father in a plane crash. Today is a great reminder of the beautiful and fragile nature of life. I was watching a movie with someone special last week and the movie was about a man who was losing his wife to a brain tumor. He was some kind of scientist who was searching for a cure to save her. He fought and fought to save her but he didn't get the cure finished until the day she died. He said that death is a disease and it could be cured. I disagree. He ended up getting a second chance at chasing the cure or being with his wife and ended up choosing that time with her. That made me smile.

I guess these are just the ramblings of a tired man. Scattered all over the place but some how coming together in my head in a way that might only make sense to me like the odd chaos of a dream that just seems natural no matter how odd it is. I guess to wrap it up I would say that life is to be lived no matter how long or short it might be. Death is just as natural as birth. Hold on to love. I'm sitting here watching my sister hold her baby and it is by far one of the most beautiful and natural things that I have ever seen.

Random thoughts on Love

2010-03-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Natalie once recommended that I read this book about Gods love for us. It was a fictional book but biblically based and I found it to be good. I wouldn't say that the writing itself was great but the message was. It's something that I completely agree with but I don't necessarily think that I've found the proper understanding of. It's Gods Love. I know that there is a God but I don't understand God. I understand that God has a personal attachment to me that is best described as Agape, the greek version of God's Love. I have a diluted idea of the power of Love in my own experiences and incidents that I have witnessed or heard of and it is beautiful. If you prescribe to the Christian faith then you have an incredible example of Gods Love in the man named Yeshua, Christ, Jesus. He Loved fiercely! He Loved openly and His Love was vast. I want to Love like that. I really want to Love like that!

So I was sitting in a hot tub last night with some good friends and we started talking about people who spend $5,000 on bedding for one bed. It made my blood boil! I found myself adding up how many kids that money could put through high school in Kenya and things like that. I'm still wrapping my mind around what happened in my heart and in my mind last night as that conversation continued. Here's where I am at with it. I find it a repulsive thought and find myself quickly judging those who do it. In that act I am polluting my heart and Love for another...I haven't even met them for crying out loud!!! I had to apologize for where I allowed my heart and mouth to go. It's tragic that the greed for money has the opportunity to corrupt hearts who don't even have the desire for it and are completely removed from it. It's tragic that I allowed it. I can honestly tell you that there is still bitterness in my heart for such things and that I have a long way to go with it.

Here's another thought that has come from my hot tub time with these friends. We were talking about youth and what we can do to better things for them. I'm a firm believer that change always begins with you. How can I ask another to change if I'm unwilling to change myself. So in our conversation someone brought up the phrase "what can we, the church, do....". My immediate thought was that "we" is not just the church but the whole human race and the responsibility lies in each and every one of us! My feeling is that when we try to make it the responsibility of "the church" we are saying that "the church folk" are higher than others in morals and responsibility. I disagree with that. There are plenty of opportunities to show lack of morals in "non-christians" but I also remember spending many sleepless nights with someone that I love dearly as they fought with their youth pastor in dreams as he and others from the church continued to abuse this person many years beyond the original offense. My thought and feeling is that the responsibility lies in the hands of every single soul on the face of this earth. Do not separate but come together! That seems a lot like real Love to me.

I'm back!!!

2009-09-08T07:14:00.000-07:00

WOWZERS!!! I find myself searching for words to describe the time that accounts for my absence from this blog but it's really hard to find just one. I'll take a shot at some. Incredible, amazing, scary, adventurous, soul searching, invigorating, crazy, draining, captivating, tough, joyful, hopeful, and of course full of LOVE. You had to know that I couldn't forget Love.

I'm still in the process of processing my time in Kenya and everything that came with it and I'm sure that there will be plenty to come after this in regards to what I got from my time there. I have to say that I'm glad that I went alone and that it was for more than just a few weeks. I still had hardly anything figured out after just a few weeks. I'm in Cornville Az. right now at my Dads house and have had time to unwind and get used to being back here in the states but I still haven't digested what the last 3 months have brought me. Did you know that Senator McCain lives here? I didn't!

What I can tell you is that I saw some beautiful things and God allowed me to be a part of a beautiful piece of His kingdom and I am truly thankful for it. I look forward to spending time with all of you sharing life and the adventures that we've been able to be a part of in our time apart. I missed you!

I do want to leave you one of the most important messages that I got from my time in Kenya. I've heard this a hundred times and thought that I lived it out but I really did a poor job at it. The most important mission field isn't in Kenya or Mexico or Turkey it's right here right now. Every moment of your should be approached as the mission field. There's more glamor in going to some far off place and being Jesus to them and they really do need our help but the mission field is with your best friend, your spouse, sister, pastor, enemy, people at the beach, rich lawyer in Yaks, or the homeless guy that you just drove by. A friend of mine wrote to me while I was in Kenya and told me this story about a homeless mentally ill lady that she helped out one night against the advice of police and neighbors. She was just on her way home and saw someone that she could be Jesus to and did it. I have no clue if that lady even remembers her but I can tell you that at that moment she felt loved and those neighbors, police, fire and ambulance people got to see Jesus alive here. You and I are in the mission field right now!

I look forward to getting all of this going again and getting together with as many of you as possible. I wonder what's next?

LOVE, the Phenomenon!!!

2009-05-31T06:34:00.000-07:00

If any of you have spent much time around me and we got into any kind of deep discussion then there is a good chance that the word love was used. I love Love!!! Seriously I Love it!!! I can’t explain it but I sure am fond of it. It’s like the holy spirit, wind, or the way a womans mind works. I can’t explain it but it sure does lead to an adventure. Today I was at this Baptist church in Karen Kenya and the pastor asked what Jesus is single gift to us and he said that it was salvation, I don’t agree with this. The pastor had a great point and is much more educated than me but still I think that salvation is not standing alone on that podium.

So I asked God, “Father what is Jesus greatest gift to us?”

I think he said “Celine Dion”. Just kidding I got “Salvation, guidance, Love, grace and faith.”

“ I think your right Father.” I said and then I realized that He realized that I meant “Your right!” and just blew off the “I think” part because He know that wasn’t what I meant.

Maybe it’s just because I’m so fresh in this walking with Jesus thing but I always come back to Love being from God and Fear being from Satan. It’s very simple to me.

Poddles and Dobermans

2009-05-09T00:17:00.001-07:00

I was at this great conference the last couple of days called When God Dreams. At the beginning of the conference I was asking God a number of questions during worship. I was watching the worship team play and the worship leader was smiling as she played but the rest of them looked like they were playing poker. Please keep in mind that the worship was PHENOMENAL and the team was passionate about what they were playing and you could feel it in the music. Nevertheless they looked pretty serious. So I asked God "Father, how seriously should we be taking this life with you?" His response was "Poodles and Dobermans".

I immediately understood! My friends have this little poodle that is such a great reminder that God has a wonderful sense of humor and that lil' dog popped into my mind immediately. On my way to work I drive by a used car lot that has a two doberman pincers that keep watch after hours. That is a dog that I couldn't imagine doing anything but taking seriously. "Good point God. Thanks."

The quiet one

2009-04-17T08:26:00.001-07:00

This morning I was thinking (this can sometimes be a painful experience but not this time) about people in my life and the differences in them. I feel that there has to be balance in almost everything in life. There are always opposites. Good to evil. Powerful to weak. Hot to cold. I see those in people to. I know people who come storming into your life with such a strong presence that draws everything around them to them. The power of their personality is like a magnet. Then you have the quiet one.

The quiet one is the one off to the side while everybody is surrounding the powerful one. I've known a lot of quiet ones and they have never ceased to amaze me. They are so powerful and they rarely realize it. I have this great friend that everybody knows, respects and loves but he is never the center of attention. He is possibly the most Christ like man that I have ever met in my life but once again he is not the one standing out in the crowd. He'll give you the shirt off of his back before you even have the chance to ask for it. He'll also lovingly point out that there is a chance that you could have dealt with something in a better way. He's the type of guy that you would never want to be disappointed in you because it would wreck you. I don't think that I would have ever really got to know him as well as I do had we not ended up spending a lot of time working together. I always liked him and always saw wisdom and love in him but I never realized how deep it went.

God is so good at humbling me with men like him. It would have been so easy for this amazing man to have been a passing friend in my life. I would have never known how amazing he is because he is the quiet one. People always listen when he talks but he still manages to slip by so easily. We should always remember that in the crowd there is someone in the back with an amazing gift for us. We can't get near sighted we have to stay aware of everybody and everything to really experience this life and the gifts that we have been given.

Father I thank you for the men and women of God that stand up and make your voice heard to the crowds. I thank you for the ones who have that powerful presence that is always out there in the open for everybody to feed off of and grow in. Father I also thank you for men like Jim who's quiet presence is so very powerful as well. Father I pray that you open our eyes to see more of these men and women and that we learn everything that we can from them. Father help us to open our hearts to relationships with these amazing people. Father thank you for gifting us with them. Thank you for loving us so very much. AMEN!

2009-03-25T19:53:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've dropped in here and dropped you, my dear friends, a few lines about my blessed life in Gods presence. I have no good excuse so please just forgive me. Here is an update on the going ons of my life these days.

As most of you know I am working on a trip to Kenya to help in the construction of an orphanage and a Youth Camp for Pastor Jerry Daniels. Pastor Jerry planted a church in Nanyuki Kenya 35 years ago and has given his life to that community. It amazes me that a man can do that. He picked up everything and moved from the states to Kenya to serve God and his fellow mankind. I plan on leaving in late May after my good friend Kirsten gets married to my soon to be good friend James.

I'm very excited about the wedding and watching the two of them grow together over the years to come. What a blessing it is to be a part of a day that will change the rest of their lives. IT just continues to be a blessing as I get to watch the two of them go through life together. I hope that the three of us will have many adventures together over the years.

I am getting a crash course on raising money for mission trips. I feel like I'm trying to squeeze water out of a rock. The current economy has impacted so many people that would have been more than happy to be a part of sponsoring me in this journey but are unable to at this point. It is testing my faith and I am ashamed to say that I am found lacking and have to continuously put myself in check with my lack of faith. Please pray for me in this area.

In this journey I have learned about kids who have so much experience raising funds for mission trips because that has always been a part of their life. If I ever have children of my own I hope to have plenty of advice to give them as they go out on Journeys of their own.

I think about all of you often and pray for Gods will in all of your lives. Thanks for your support and please check out my Kenya blog at calebinkenya.blogspot.com as well as this one. Lets pray.

Father thank you for the blessed grace filled life that you have given us. Thank you for letting us be in a country where we can worship you publicly without the worry of punishment for it. Father I pray that you work in the lives of everybody who reads this and that you guide them to a life centered on you and your will. Father thank you for your patience and faith in me when I am such a poor example of both. Please forgive me for my lack of faith and patience. Father thank you for LIFE!!! AMEN!!!

I love you guys!!!

2009-03-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

YOU SHOULD CHECKOUT MY FRIENDS BLOGS!!!!
I just spent some time catching up on my friends blogs and am so amazed at what an amazing group of people I find God surrounding me with. I love you guys and I thank you for sharing YOU with all of us.

Healing hearts

2009-02-16T20:51:00.000-08:00

"This is the message: we should love one another" 1John 3:11 NIV

This seems so simple but being the humans that we are we have such a knack for making it so complicated. I wanted to share with you a brief story of the Love that God has put in me.

I was engaged to a woman a couple of years ago. We had bought a house, had two dogs, wedding plans, a hot tub, and so many other things that we are told that we should have. Most of those were my fault. I thought that we had to have "stuff". You know, keeping up with the Jones's. We didn't have God. I take responsibility for this because I had put so much effort into convincing her that there was no such thing. Now that I think of it she was the start of me searching for Him. Dave was the catalyst but that's another story.

As relationships some times go we split apart. That can be such an ugly thing for anybody involved. There was so much pain, damage, venom, and mistrust that came from that. We both hurt each other and threw up huge walls against feeling that pain again. Our break up wasn't even a very bad one. Neither of us hit the other one or cheated on the other one, it just wasn't Gods will for us to be together. This was a little less than 2 and half years ago or so. A little less than a year ago I called her up to see if she would talk to me. I bet she was stoked to get that call! She was gracious enough to meet with me with out knowing what the meeting was about. God wanted me to ask for forgiveness from her and to repent for not being the man of God that His daughter deserved. It went well and through that God started healing in us.

Tonight I had pizza with her, the new man in her life and his two daughters and I have to tell you I really enjoyed it. The man that is now in her life is a friend and someone that I really care for. Both of his daughters are very dear to me and it was so good to be able to see them again and just share life with them for an hour and a half. We talked and laughed together. It was a little hard to get started but it started to feel more and more natural and was so good.

Father, thank you for your grace and healing. Thank you for breaking our hearts open and letting moments like this happen in places where I never thought it possible. I now realize that it isn't possible with out you Father. Thank you for sharing your love with us Father and for letting us forgive each other and ourselves so that we can share the love that You have for us. Father I pray that you work in their hearts in a mighty way so that they can be passionate for You Father. Father please continue to break my heart and keep on filling me with your love and passion for my brothers and sisters, no matter the circumstances. Father please forgive me for letting me get in the way of your will so much. Thank you for being so patient and loving with me Father. AMEN!!!

Kenya

2009-02-06T20:36:00.000-08:00

Hi there friends, I've added a new blog that will be used just for my Kenya updates and hopefully my Kenya adventures. So please check it out at http://calebinkenya.blogspot.com/

I look forward to hearing from you on both blogs. Be blessed my friends.

Blogging

2009-01-28T20:56:00.000-08:00

To the left is my dear friend Kirsten who flew down to San Francisco to go kilt shopping with me. Seriously, who flies from Seattle to San Francisco to go looking for kilts with a friend. Well, Kirsten does! We didn't even make it to the kilt shop.....we did cover a lot of ground over those four days though. So I thought that I would share a little bit about how we got connected.

It all started because my friend Jessica couldn't use myspace that well at Simpson University so I started to blog so that we could have some good conversations about God, spirituality, and life....I guess it's all the same in a way. So I started blogging. One of the things that I had to do was list my interests and one of them was Frank Peretti books. One day this other man of God by the name of Dean, who lived in South Africa at the time, was looking for other people with similar interests and ran across me by the Frank Peretti interest. Dean and I started writing back and forth and he turned out to be a stand up guy so I started checking out people that he regularly corresponded with and ran across the talented writings of Kirsten (http://lattesandrainydays.blogspot.com/). I remember the first post of hers that I read was about waking up in the morning. It was so descriptive and so beautifully written. I was captivated and I just kept reading the posts. She had another one about a dream that she had recently and it made something click in one of the dreams that I had that wasn't making sense so I started to write her. Much to my surprise she wrote back and we became instant friends. It was one of those friendships that just seemed to come together just right. So here's to blogging and Gods will in our life. It's just to bizarre to not be of God. So blog!!! Reach out!!! Build relationships!!!

Father thank you for giving me Friends like Dean and Kirsten. It has been such a wild ride meeting and getting to know them and I am so grateful for it. Thank you for all of the friendships that have come from those two and just keep growing. Father I pray that our time writing, talking and hanging out together is of you and is fruitful. I pray that we never forget that we get to share in relationship because of you father. Father thank you for blessing us with a country where we can worship you freely and write about you with out fear of persecution. Thank you for loving us Father and showing us how to love each other. AMEN!!!

Kenya

2009-01-24T22:30:00.000-08:00

My friend Chris just got back from Kenya not to long ago and while he was there he was talking with a friend of his who needs someone to act as a foreman for the construction of a childrens camp. This camp is totally funded and the supplies are already rolling in. Chris brought me up as a possible candidate to go out there and help build this camp. It would probably be a 2 year commitment with something like a month off in between years. I'll be meeting with the pastor who is heading this up next month to see if this is something where I can help him out or not. If it is then I'm moving to Kenya. I've been praying and fasting over this and I think that if this works out then that is where God wants me. It's odd because I've wanted to do a kids camp for years and just gave up on the idea due to a lack of $$$$ and then this possible opportunity lands in my lap. Please throw a bit of prayer my way. I just want His will to be done in my life and for me to not get in the way of His dreams for me. Thank you friends.

Father I pray that you guide me in this possible new adventure and chapter in my life. I pray that you open the doors that need to be opened in my life to lead me towards the path that you have for me. Father I pray that I stay out of the was of your will and that I just open myself and completely surrender myself to your will. Your will be done Father. AMEN!

Movies that Move You.....

2009-01-13T21:10:00.001-08:00

As we've all been experiencing these difficult economic times I decided to rent Cinderella Man to put it all into perspective. This movie shows such an important time in history and how an amazing man handled it. What we are going through is NOTHING!!! I know that jobs are hard to come by but they are not impossible to find. We have so many options and opportunities in this amazing country of ours. We have our issues just like any where else but what a fantastic country this is.

This movie moves me in many different ways. It shows me how to be a better man. It shows me the power of faith and the hope that it can bring. It shows me the power of Love, humility, honor, respect, devotion, and strength. Do you remember the part where he goes to the old boxing club house and asks for money? How about the part where he goes back to the welfare office and gives the money BACK? How many of you would do that? I doubt that I would.

What movies move you and why do they move you? Bear you soul here Brothers and Sisters.

Gapers and Lemon Heads

2008-12-28T18:53:00.001-08:00

Tonight I was sitting in the hot tub with my cousins, my aunt and my uncle in Park City Utah. My cousins spent the day skiing at Deer Valley today and working on their moguls. Here's a quick background on them. They have grown up with ski boots on their feet as much as any other foot wear. My 10 year old cousin does backflips on his skis and my 14 year old cousin kicks some serious butt on the bumps. They work for most of the summer on their jumps into a pool that is pumped full of air so that when they come down from their 60 feet of air the water isn't as hard.

So we're sitting there in the hot tub and they are talking about gapers and lemon heads like it's just part of their every day vocabulary. I used to think that I knew a bit about ski lingo but I was wrong. I remember sitting in the gondola at Telluride Co. on my way home talking with a group of walrusses and plankers about pressing the glass for some freshies and watching out for the yard sale maker off of lift 9 but I don't remember gapers and lemon heads. Above is a gaper (so I'm told). Here is a definition for you.

1. gaper
306 up, 23 down
A gaper is a skiier or snowboarder who is completely clueless. Usually distiungished by their bright colored clothes and a gaper gap, the gap between goggles and a helment/hat. Gapers also do the "Gaper Tuck" which is an attempt at being a ski racer by tucking, however, it is done incorrectly with the poles sticking straight up like thunderbolts and lighting, very very frightning! Gapers also sit at the bottom of jumps and try and go big off table tops in the park.
1. My eyes are burning from that gapers bright colored clothes. 2. I fell off the chair laughing at that gaper tuck. 3. Did you just see that gaper getting landed on because he was sitting like a dumbass at the landing of a jump.

So that is a Gaper for all of you who have been wondering. Now for a lemon head. A lemon head is a ski school kid. These are those kids who tend to piss the rest of us right off!!! They are the ones who blow by you backwards so that they can look at you and laugh. They have a ton of layers on from an overprotective mother. These little turds know that they have tons of padding from all of the clothes that they are wearing. These layers are great for them because they can plow directly into a tree and their clothes act as an air bag.

There you go my friends. Now you can throw these terms around when you are around plankers (skiers) knuckle draggers (snow boarders) so that you can trick them into thinking that you're hip (is that out of date?). Happy Holidays to you my friends and may your new year be a magical year that brings you into a closer more intimate relationship with Yeshua.

Update on praying for the baby

2008-12-17T20:05:00.000-08:00

I would like to thank you on behalf of Charity and myself. Here's an update for all of you who have been praying for Regina, Joe, Charity and the baby. They did a C-section on Regina today 3 months early to try and save the baby Gabriel. After 25 minutes of trying to resuscitate Gabriel they were forced to stop. I'm asking you to now pray for Regina, Joe, Charity and the rest of their family. Your prayer is needed and requested. After losing their Mother October 29th of this year Charity and Regina could really use a lot of prayer. Thank you so much saints.

Caleb

Prayer Please

2008-12-15T10:28:00.000-08:00

As some of you know I still have a friendship with my ex-fiance, Charity. This morning she called me up and left me a message asking for prayer. Her sister went into labor but there are complications that might be leading to the baby not making it. Charity and her sister Regina lost there mother late October so I don't need to tell you how rough it would be to lose this unborn child as well. So my friends, PLEASE PRAY FOR ALL OF THEM!!!! Thanks you saints.

Father please watch over Regina, Joe and Charity. Please make your presence known in their hearts as they are going through this. I don't know what your will is here but I pray that it be done. I pray that this is another chance for their faith in you to grow Father. Father forgive me for being selfish but I pray that this baby is born healthy and that Regina has no more complications as well. Thank you Father for your unending Love and grace. AMEN!

Sad for you

2008-12-13T07:56:00.000-08:00

I'm so sad for all of you who have regularly posted with me. I never realized that none of you could find 5 things in your life that make you happy that you would feel safe with sharing. Here you go I'll throw a few your way and maybe that will bring a glimmer of joy to your life and you'll be able to open up a little bit.
OK here you go.
1. God
2. Good food
3. friends
4. family
5. anything with 2 wheels that I can ride
6. tinkering in my garage
7. hard work
8. a good workout
9. love
10. Laughter
11. thunderstorms
12. bodies of water
12. mountains
13. snowboarding
14. sunrises and sunsets (I didn't like sunrises so much a few months ago but I'm getting used to it)
15. my dog
16. my country
17. grace
18. my life
19. christmas trees/decorations
20. camping
21. naps in the woods
22. peeing outside (the world is my urinal)
23. my wood burning stove
24. sky lights
25. movies
26. YOU
There you go my friends. I would still love to hear yours.

Happiness

2008-12-06T20:33:00.000-08:00

I would love to know at least 5 things that make you happy. Please post them so that everybody can see them. Happiness is contagious and something that the world could always use more of so don't be selfish or I'll break your knee caps so that you can be happy about walking again. GGRRRR!!!

WOW!!!

2008-11-08T19:14:00.001-08:00

I wish that I had something all deep and spiritual for you but I just wanted to share my evening with you real quick....seriously I'll make it quick.

Yesterday I decided that I needed to breathe life back into my dirt bike after it had been laying unused and inoperable in my garage for something close to nine months. Humans are created in this time and I couldn't get my bike going!!! So I pulled the carb and got it all tuned in and cleaned then threw some gas into it and she started right up. Steve called me up today and we decided to go for a ride tonight after work. It was a beautiful evening when we left. Good temperature, a bit cloudy, two running bikes and two very willing riders. We gassed up and then took off to an undisclosed location (we weren't supposed to be there but couldn't resist the temptation) to stretch the legs of our bikes. We took off up the mountain slippin' and sliding on the wet earth and slippery rocks. We wheelied and jumped our way up the mountain becoming more and more aware of the extemely ominous clouds to the west that were rapidly aproaching. These clouds weren't the usual greyish clouds, oh no they were BLACK with curtain under them that you couldn't see through at all. Then it got interesting, lightning! It was beautiful....and getting closer as we got closer to the top of the mountain. How could this ever go wrong?

The rain hit hard and fast. A good wind kept it company and the easy rumbles of thunder had turned into bone shuddering claps. We decided that we should probably head back down the mountain to we turned tail and fled the elevations that brought us closer to the lightning. It was a slippery ride down but my friends it was beautiful. Redding was below us, lightning hitting all around us, our bikes below us slipping all over the trail and God was with us. He really went all out with tonights show. This was a fantastic show of might, creativity, beauty and sound. Every sense was alive!!!

Father thank you for blessing me with this life that I take for granted far to often. Thank you for showing me such an awesome side of you tonight . Thank you for my friend Steve, Father. I pray for him and his family and that they find you and become passionate and in love with you Father. Thank you Father. Amen!

A Changed Heart

2008-11-07T22:24:00.001-08:00

Tonight was a grand night....today was a grand day....this sure is a grand life. Lately I've been struggling a bit with my relationship with God. It hasn't been anything severe or terribly rough it was just another struggle and place to grow in. That being said, that is what I have been working on. I have increased prayer and made sure that it wasn't just empty recitals of chosen words that have a nice ring to them. This is an easy trap to fall into and one that I honestly feel is straight from the depths of hell. I'm sorry my friends, I'm getting a bit side tracked.

Tonight I worshipped God with Jeremy Riddle. It was a small venue, only a couple hundred people or so. It was great to raise my hands in worship to our Father with such a talented man of God. It was one of those times where it seemed like everything that happened was just for me. Every song spoke to me, the things that the pastor spoke about were for me and God was at the center of it all and He had a special evening planned out just for me. There was even more to it than just that. This little shindig took place at a church that I went to for a short while before my passionate pursuit of God.

I remember sitting in that church wishing that I had slept in a bit longer so that I wouldn't have to listen to the stupid worship. Tonight my arms were outstretched in worship, my heart and soul open to His will in my life. I used to stand there while everybody worshipped just looking from one person to another and wondering what there sins were. I remember seeing nothing but sinners and cowards. Tonight I stood next to my brothers and sisters, Gods servants, His children, brave men, women, and children who would stand for God and what they know is right against all else. What an honor it was to stand there worshipping God with these people.

Thank you God for always being there for me especialy when I had only turned my back to you and fought your existence. Thank you Father for bringing me to that place tonight. Father thank you for this life!!! I pray that you continue to do great things in my heart and soul, I pray that you take my heart and make it your own. Thank you Father. Amen!!!

City Slickers!!!

2008-10-20T22:25:00.000-07:00

I love living out by the country!!! I love the tree's, the lakes, the deer, the people and even the bears. People aren't all congested and crammed into this little area. This makes for happier people! We get to play in the woods, climb mountains, fish streams, swim in the lakes, hike, mountain bike ( a personal favorite ), and....well the list can just go on and on. I have to tell you about one of my favorite things though. I love to hang up my hammock between two trees and just hangout to read or take a short nap. The beautiful thing about the trees is that they are strong enough to hold my not so dainty frame and they really don't mind if I use them, I think that they might even appreciate the company. Apparently the trees in our states fine capitol are a bit more fragile.
So here's what went down. I was spending the day in Sacramento and had a fair amount of down time to spend relaxing so I went to this park with my hammock. You probably already have the rest of the story figured out but please humor me. I walked all over this park and it had at least a hundred squirrels running around the place. There weren't to many great trees for hanging a hammock but I ended up finding a spot that would work. I got all set up and read for a little while and then had to go and put some more money in the meter so I took off across the park to settle up with uncle Sam, you know do my civil duty. I'm not going to try and skip out on my fare share. As I walked back to the hammock there was a fine example of a civil servant there protecting my hammock. I was so impressed that one of our own honorable CHP officers was standing guard at my hammock. "I love this city!" I say to myself.
"Is this yours?" that fine civil servant says to me.
"Yes sir it sure is." I respond with a wide grin.
"You're going to have to take it down."
"Are you kidding?" was the response that I came up with...hindsight being 20/20 and all that I think I could have done better with that one.
" No, I'm not." He then let me know what civil code I was breaking by hanging something from the trees. This guy was great at his job!
"Uh....OK." I really dug deep for that witty response. "I hate the city" I then mumbled under my breath.

Father thank you for being so wise in the invention of the tree. Thank you for blessing me with the appreciation for your creation and for giving me the chance to enjoy what you have created so very often. Father I sincerely thank you for the law enforcement around in this great state and pray for humility and understanding on my part. Thank you for continuing to show me that I don't need to understand everything to accept it. Thank you for the gift of life in your kingdom. AMEN!!!

What the Monkey!!!

2008-10-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

Jason V., Pastor Mike and I were heading down from Oregon one night and Jason said that if life gets boring then you aren't really following Jesus. This isn't an exact quote but you get the idea. With that in mind I am moving on to another growing opportunity in my life. My hours at Yaks were cut to 15 a week so I am now looking for another job. I've got to be honest with you this is not where I thought I would be as I celebrate 30 and in a worldly way it is a bit disappointing for me but it is never the less an opportunity for growth. The last time something similar to this happened (the goat turd incident of '07) my life was radically changed and I ended up being surrounded by men and women of God who helped me in finding a place in the kingdom of God. WOW what a ride!!! I continue to meet amazing people from around the globe who are passionate about God, I have repented to people that I have hurt in the past for not being a man of God, I have built amazing friendships and have grown the ones that I already had, I have hurt, I have cried, I have laughed, I have felt Love and Joy like never before, and above all else I have found the love of God and have tried so hard to become the man that he has wanted me to be. Talk about a wild year!!! So let's do a quick recap of some of the events of my adult life.

I lived in Colorado where I could snowboard to and from work. While there I got to build a stronger relationship with my grandma and my father.

I moved back to Redding where I experienced a number of rather shallow relationships with friends and women. It's weird though because on of the guys that I used to hang out with that I liked the least has become one of the closest friends that I have ever had. I had no self esteem and was lost and felt alone in the world for a couple of years.

I joined the fire academy and graduated it. I then realized that I really did have value and that I could do hard things and come out on top.

I looked a man in the eyes while he died and saw his spirit leave him.

I worked on a friends 6 month old baby for 40 minutes and still couldn't breathe life back into her.

I went into a burning building as the windows were blowing out and then put the fire out.

I fell in love. That's a hard one to follow up.

I found myself more and more and as I did so found myself surrounded more and more by real friends.

I stuck a really big needle in a ladies chest while she was looking at me and we were doing about 90mph down I-5 from north of bridge bay.

I graduated paramedic school.

I built relationships with boys and girls who had been through some rough stuff and the I got to watch them make the decision to become young men and women that could be proud of who they were. This is truly a beautiful thing and I would encourage anybody to do it!!!

I hurt and was deeply hurt by someone that I fell in love with. Then we hurt each other a few more times. Not so much fun.

I entered into another relationship (for the wrong reasons) but found some beauty and hope in it. It fell apart as well. (no God, no hope)

A dear friend spent close to 2 years patiently loving on me and coming back with "maybe but what if...." every time I tried to tell him that God and the church are a joke.

I FOUND GOD AND HE LOVES ME!!!! He even told me so.

I was broken down to a place where I could start to build a firm foundation.

I repented to some people that I had hurt and in turn brought peace and a bit of life back to those broken relationships.

I found out what a woman of God is and am still single as a result.

I found out what a man of God is and strive to be a powerful one every day.

I built two coffee shops that opened within 6 weeks of each other with some amazing people with a lot of grace (thanks PM, Nat and Jim for such a grand adventure)

A dear friend, his amazing wife and two crazy kids moved in with me.

I am dancing to the Rhythms of His grace.

Well how's that for a bit of a recap? Oh what an adventure!!!! What will I be writing about next year I wonder???? I already have an invite to Tel Aviv to build another coffee shop and work there for a bit. I am a blessed man beyond anything that I can comprehend. I have no clue why God would continue to shower me with His love and grace but I am forever grateful for it. Thank you all for being a part of my life in whatever form it might be in. Really, thank you.

Jesus Vs. Satan

2008-09-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

Well my friends I am back. It has been a while and I really have no good excuse. My life has been full and oh so very beautiful. There are seeds that were sown many months that are starting to bear (Thank you Steve) fruit in the most amazing ways, relationships are growing and improving, faith is growing, struggles are being met with more grace and love, and I feel that God is at the center of it all. I feel like I am truly where God wants me to be right now and that He is prepping me for an amazing journey that is just a mere matter of months ahead. He has brought out greater joy and emotion in me than ever before and we have just been growing in our relationship. So there is my quick update on the happenings of me. I realize that they are a bit hazy but I think that around the new year I'll be able to put some of it into better words for you.

Today I was doing communion after an amazing time of repentance and worship. I was thinking about the moments before Jesus was betrayed and the interactions between Satan and Jesus when it hit me that the two of them had a relationship! When you think about Satan had to of known who Jesus was from the start. I couldn't imagine that Gods only begotten son could go unnoticed by Satan. So from very early on Satan knew that he had to make Jesus fall into sin. Jesus could have gone his entire life avoiding temptation and trickery by the ultimate tempter and trickster!!! In this constant battle between the two of them it had to have built a relationship of sorts. Satan had to have known what was going to happen and could have been preparing for the moment right before Judas kiss for quite some time. Can you imagine Gods most perfect angel going rogue and then becoming the one being that is the source of evil, the absence of light, good and love. This is the one that has spent eternity tricking and manipulating many strong and faithful men and women of God. Satan has this perfected and it has all been practice for this moment and on top of that he has had all of Jesus life to get to know Him and look for His weakest possible places. You had better believe that he was ready for this moment and he had it carefully planned out. This is the important part. Jesus NEVER faltered. Not for one moment. Not even on the cross when he cried out "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (refer to psalm 22 while your there continue on to psalm 23).

Jesus knew what was going to happen and He still never even backed down...He never asked God for the second option He and He did it for you...for me....for everybody you love...for the men who flew the jets into the twin towers....that tattooed guy with the pierced septum that just gave that dirty look to you yesterday and the guy who cut you off on the freeway yesterday. Satan came at Him with everything he had and Jesus won. Why? We are on the winning team. We have the Creator and Redeemer on our side. His love is beyond anything that we could ever imagine and as His only begotten son that love was deep within Him. He already loved you, me...you get the idea. I guess what I am getting at is that His love really is something far beyond my comprehension and that there is absolutely no way that we can loose this battle as long as we have faith and always look to God. We are so deeply blessed.

Father I thank you for sacrificing your Son for us. I couldn't even imagine what that must have been like to see the pain and suffering that He went through for us....for me. Father thank you for being the light and my guide. Thank you for bringing a joy to me that I would have never been able to imagine before. Thank you for loving me so very much! Father I pray that you show me how to worship you better in my every day life so that I can strengthen my relationship with you and in turn be your tool in your kingdom. Thank you Father. AMEN!!!

Dream Vacation

2008-07-30T21:48:00.000-07:00

You know that saying "You'll never know if you don't ask"? Or how about this one "It never hurts to ask"? So I was thinking about those as I was watching the Bucket List and decided that there are a number of things that I would like to do and one of the things that would take a bit of money would be to tour the coast of Italy and Greece on an Italian motorcycle. That being said I just wanted you to know that I am open to sponsorships for this vacation. If any of you feel like you have a bit to much money please feel free to contact me so that I can take this completly self centered motorcycle trip.

I would love to hear about your dream vacations as well so feel free to drop me a few lines and let me know what yours is.

Here We Go Again!!!

2008-07-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

Well here we go again!!! In the morning I'll be meeting Pastor Mike at Simpson University so that we can start demolition on the third Yaks. We will be going from one Yaks to three Yaks in just a matter of months. I feel so deeply honored to be a part of this process. I feel so blessed to be a part of this community and this life with our Father. He is moving mightily amongst us here at Yaks and we all hope that He will move mightily through us into our community and into the young hearts at Simpson.

I ask you to pray for us. Pray the we sharpen each other as we work shoulder to shoulder with each other. Pray that even before we open we will be reaching out into the lives of all of those around us. Pray that we are safe in our daily work. Most of all pray for our relationships with God. I can't imagine life without Him and so often I forget to praise and thank Him for my blessed life so pray for me. Thank you for your support.

Father I thank you for giving me this blessed life and this amazing community of yours to be a part of. Father thank you for giving me the chance to rub shoulders with Jim, Natalie and PM again as we build yet another shop to reach out into your kingdom with. Father I pray that we grow mightily in You and You're desires for us. I pray that our relationships grow even more and that we get the chance to bring in even more brothers and sisters to rub shoulders with on this project. Thank you so very much Father. AMEN!!!!

Metamorphose though Him

2008-07-13T23:23:00.000-07:00

Oh what a blessed day. This morning I got to change out a water pump on my truck!!! It's OK to be a bit jealous. I then went wake boarding with my secular friends Steve, Martin and Martins friend Anna who is a dancer at a local club and an actress. Martin is a weight trainer ( a good one at that) and a man who prides himself on his time with the ladies. It was a great chance to really talk with both of them in one on one conversation and see the depth that they really try to hide. The wake boarding was fantastic but I got my bell rung pretty well.

After wake boarding I went out to another part of the lake and met up with Kimmy and a group called Sonshine that does week long houseboat trips for youth groups from all over the place on lake Shasta. Friday night I went to Bethels worship and met up with Travis and Andy from Sonshine and they invited me to come out to the house boats for worship tonight so I accepted (obviously). Before they started worship I got to spend time meeting some great people that just love Jesus. What a blessing it was! So then we met up on the roof of one of the house boats and just worshipped God. I didn't know many of the songs but I was so at peace and felt so loved by God as we sat up there just worshipping Him.

As I was there listening to the music and watching the stars come out I reflected on the last year. I realized that a year ago I would have thought that this was lame and that they were all a bunch of weenies. Now there was no other place that I would have rather been at. I loved being there with all of these brothers and sisters worshipping God. What an amazing transformation, change, growth, metamorphose that has happened in my life. So I just wanted to take a couple of moments to tell you about this and openly thank our Father for giving us life like we could have never imagined. We really are blessed beyond our greatest understanding. Thank you Sonshine folks for being so great and inviting us to be with you tonight.

Father thank you for loving me. Thank you sacrificing your Son for me. Thank you for this day and every day to come. Thank you for this amazing community that I get to be a part of. Thank you for your grace Father. Thank you for your faith in me when I never deserved it. Thank you Father, AMEN.

It is done....Now it's time for the next season.

2008-06-30T09:25:00.000-07:00

I previously wrote about my absence here and in general. The building of a coffee shop became a bit more time consuming than I would have guessed it to be. I have joked about not having a life and others of joked with me about the same but having crossed the finish line I can honestly say without a shadow of a doubt that I am so very full of life. This isn't just that euphoric victory dance type of feeling (that is there as well) but a true feeling of being full of life. I'm amazed at the life this place has breathed into me. I have grown so very close to some amazing servants of God.

I feel so honored to be in the above picture with Pastor Mike, his wonderful bride Nancy, and my new boss and dear friend Natalie. We have all seen weakness, strength, challenges, success and love in each other. There have been many others that we had the great honor of working with through out this project. I don't want to throw out names because I know that I will miss so many of them but I am so grateful for their help and community in this. It's amazing how spending that time working together has built up so many relationships. We haven't even
opened yet and we have built up strong relationships with each other and in our downtown community. Natalie and I have already had one of our neighbors in tears as she told us about

some of her internal struggles with life and the loss of family. We've had everybody from bank robbers to doctors walking through our doors and we haven't even opened yet. I feel so undeserving and privileged to be a part of this little slice of the kingdom of God.

It's been interesting looking at this shop as a business because it isn't a business that is focused on the financial gain, it's focus is on the relationship gain. We do have to be a responsible business and we have to do well but the focus is on each other and every single customer who walks through the door. How many jobs have you worked at where the focus is on loving every single person coming through that door, even the complainers......especially the complainers! This is the type of place that you just feel Gods presence and it is amazing!

Well readers, I look forward to watching you walk through the doors of our little shop. I thank you for being patient with me and showing me grace. I pray that this finds you smiling and well. With that I guess I should close this with thanks to our Father who made this blessed life of mine possible.

Father I thank you for opening the hearts of Mike and Nancy to me and giving me the chance to be a part of this amazing kingdom of yours. I pray that we get to reach out into many lives through this little coffee shop. I pray that we grow in our relationships with you in a mighty way. Father I pray that our strength, wisdom,integrity and love always come from you and that we never look to ourselves for those things because we always come up lacking. Father thank you so much for life that you have given me. Thank you for all of the people that you have put into my life. I pray that you show me how to work into their lives in the way that you have made me to. AMEN!!!

Check out pics at http://picasaweb.google.com/fireoshe

It Has ALL Changed!!!

2008-06-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

My good friend Steve called me up yesterday to

see if I wanted to go wakeboarding with him today. Naturally I couldn't decline such an invite. Steve and I have spent many days on the lake wakeboarding. Please don't let me mislead you here at all. I'm no good at wakeboarding but I sure do have a good time out there on the lake. Something was different this time. It was a first time thing for me. When Steve called me yesterday it was about 100 out and the lake was so refreshing to jump into when I went windsurfing with Jim and Natalie....today it was about 73 when I got to the lake......there was thunder snapping and rolling off of the mountains around the lake.....the rain was coming and going......what happened here? So going out to the lake seemed like a stupid thing to do...it made no sense to go out on the water but then again......it could be some good wakeboarding. So we set off. We got out into the main channel of the lake and it was looking great. The water was smooth and there was no wind on it at all.

I hopped in the water and it was even slightly colder than outside. Rain was coming down around me and I couldn't figure out why I was in the water freezing and trying to talk in a much more manly voice than what came out. While I was there I looked around and took just a second to take in where I was. I was there with Him. He is always there with me. That makes it all change. I was still freezing, it was still raining, there was still lightning all around but it was so beautiful!!! It was great to look around and just be right there and in that moment. I gave the go ahead and the motor roared to life.

It's amazing when your swimming in the water or just floating there....it's so forgiving and smooth. When that boat starts pulling it's like you're pushing that board against a ton of sand and then you stand up out of the water. The board gets up on a plane and just glides along the water. It's amazing how the board can stay up on what was once forgiving and smooth like it is almost a solid substance. I'm getting side tracked here. It's amazing what it feels like to be gliding across the water....to carve down low and drag your fingers through the glassy water. It's an amazing feeling that I lack the literary prowess to describe to you....please refer to http://lattesandrainydays.blogspot.com/ for literary prowess. It is an amazing experience but it has gone to a whole new level now.

After my first run I just lay there in the water with my arms outstretched thanking our Father for giving me this moment that I did nothing to deserve. Now that I reflect on it I can feel His warm smile upon me as I lay there. He's especialy fond of me you know. The moments of my life have changed in the past year in such a magnificent way. He is there in every moment and I forget that way to often. Sometimes He has to paint a brilliant sunset or a full moon from the end of a dock to give me that quick reminder that He loves me and is here for me. I am ashamed that I need that and so thankful for it at the same time. My days have changed, my focus has changed, my love has changed, my eyes have changed, my faith has changed and my hopes and dreams have changed. I pray that my life reflects that in a huge way. Take this moment to turn away from your screen and thank Him for this moment. Don't just keep reading or say to yourself that you'll do it later. Just do it. I'll do it with you from my living room floor bowed down in front of Him honoring Him and His love for me and for you.

It's so wonderful to reflect on my life and how it has been the way that it had to be to bring me to Him now just like this. It amazing to look at the things that I used to do and compare them to what it is like to do them now in His Grace. I pray that there is at least one person reading this right now who doesn't know His love. I would urge you to get ahold of me so that we can talk about it or even better.....I would pray that you spread out your arms and cry out to our Father to enter your heart, to forgive you for your sins, for His unfathomable love. I would then urge you to PASSIONATLY pursue Him.

Father I pray that your holy spirit would just fall upon everybody who reads this. I pray that they would have an unquenchable thirst for you. Father I thank you so very much for this life that you have given me and for all of the moments that you have blessed me with. Father thank you for not striking me with lightning today and bringing me home this early in the game. Father I pray that you guide me in speaking to others about your kingdom. I feel so unqualified and inexperienced. Thank you for your love for me Father. Amen

Sorry for the absence

2008-06-11T22:34:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for my abscence my friends. Pastor Mike, Natalie and I have been putting in some long hours at the new shop so I just come home to sleep and am right back there in the morning. Thank you for your patience. Please feel free to drop me some lines to let me know how you are doing and what He is doing in your life. Be blessed.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

2008-06-03T10:40:00.000-07:00

So here we go on the second paragraph in 1 Corinthians 13. This used to be the paragraph that I focused on the most but that was more of a worldly focus for me than a Godly focus.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand it’s own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

This is such a wonderful description of Love to me. It is also a very humbling and convicting description. I especially enjoy the last line. His Love never gave up on me, never lost faith and was always hopeful. Never and always are such powerful words …..concepts. They are even more powerful when they are inspired by our Father because that is how it is. There is no debating or changing what He has said, He will not falter in this love for us. He, and His Son are the perfect example of this Love and it is manifested daily in our lives. How many of these manifestations do we just blow off or miss completely? I know that I do all of the time.

Father thank you for loving us and for giving us the perfect example of Love. Thank you Father for never losing faith, never giving up and for always being hopeful. Thank you for sending your Son to be the beacon of light in our search for Love, Faith, and Hope. Thank you Father. Amen.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

2008-06-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

Wuv, twue wuv.... Just kidding. I hope that at least most of you got that. Lately I've been visiting and revisiting 1 Corinthians 13 and I haven't been able to get enough of it. Every time I look at it there is something more. So here it is for you to enjoy. As you read it please think about His love for YOU, your love for Him, your love for others and His love for others.

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others , I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy , and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything that I have to the poor and even sacrificied my body, I could boast about it, but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing.

This has such an obvious message to me. Love!!! It is the center of it all. "All you need is Love". I always feel like I need to capitalize Love due to the value of the word. He Loved us so much that He sent His son to Love on us....to be with us.....to teach us....to be one of us.....to be betrayed by one of us.....to be tortured and murdered for us....for you and me. We never did any thing to deserve this. He just Loves us. We are so blessed by His grace and Love. How do we repay this? I'm not looking for some negative answer here. This is a real question. I look forward to you your thoughts on this and I urge you to make them prayerfully considered answers.

Father I thank you for Loving me and forgiving me for not knowing how to Love you tha same way. I thank you for growing the Love inside of me more and more every day. Father I thank you for you grace and the relationships that I have in my life that allow me to practice your Love. I pray that my Love continues to grow with no end in sight. Thank you Father. Amen

6 Random Things About Me

2008-05-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

I've tagged by Kirsten so I guess that means that I have to tell you about 6 random things that have to do with me.

1: I have the unique ability to drive a person nuts! Ok so maybe everybody knows that. I have used this super power to build relationships with so many people and have actually frown very close to a number of them.

2: I have a deep love people. I only say this because some people think that I'm rough on people but it's ony because I see tons of potential in people and I treat them like they are mediocre nor will I have that expectation for them.

3: I like baths. Stop laughing!!! This is the last place in my house that there is no chance of being bothered and it helps my back.

4: I'm a laugher! I have made a lot of people mad with this because they think that I don't care about them or the situation but that is not true. I can find humor in the most awkward situations. I've had people trying to attack me and I laughed at them. It wasn't one of those nervous giggles but a relaxed laugh at the situation, they almost always end up stopping.

5: I'm typing this from the bed of my truck at 11:00 pm behind the new Yaks while sitting on my sleeping bag and sleeping pad. I'm spending the night in the parking lot so that no one steals all of our stuff out here while we do floors.

6: My pinky toes have always stuck out funny. My left one is better since I broke completely sideways and reset it straighter than before the break. I'm still waiting for the right one to catch on something and break like the left.

There you have it. I hope that this was enlightening for you.

Guess what Jessica, tag your it!

The Wedding

2008-05-18T23:21:00.000-07:00

As I type this I am at about 36,000 feet above sea level on my way back from my Dad’s wedding. What a great time I had!!! It was great to spend this time with all of that family. There is a bit of dysfunctional in there but I think that is just part of family. I have yet to meet a family that has no problems. I have been close to some that have had few and I have seen some that hidden it well but it’s just part of being us. We struggle with relationships from time to time no matter how good we are at them. I know that I have spent my time struggling with them and I’m sure that some of you are nodding your heads very enthusiastically. As much as I dislike confrontation or those “hard” moments I also have a deep respect and I am a bit fond of them (OK you can stop nodding now). I even enjoy stirring them up some time because I think that they are such a great chance to grow and learn about each other…and yourself. Oh yeah, the “yourself” part is so important!!! I have learned so much about myself from the people that I love and some teens that I grew very close to and loved. I tell you what, there is nothing like a smart, angry, confused, hurt, and scared teenager to teach you about yourself. Ok I’m heading down a rabbit trail and the funny thing is that I really have no clue where I even want this to go.

I guess family and relationships is where He wants me to run with this. Before this weekend began I was filled with emotions on how I felt about my Dad. I know that I love him and that he loves me. I don’t doubt that for a second. I know that he desires to spend more time with me but there are a lot of insecurities there and I’m not sure how to deal with them. Let me tell you some things that I learned from my dad. I learned that work is important and a good work ethic is very important. I’ve learned that you can fall hard and get back up ( I like that one ). I’ve learned that you can hug and kiss another man out of affection and there isn’t that perverse thought process and emotion behind it, it’s just showing them that they are special to you and that you care for them. Then there are the hard lessons and those tend to come with the others. These I won’t go into because I really don’t want you to have the wrong idea about him. I know that I have learned these from friends, my mother, my sister, lovers, and enemy’s.

Have you noticed that so much of life comes right back to the relationships that you are having in it. The relationships with your family, friends, waitress, customer, …..God. Whoa!!! How often is that the last relationship that you think of? It is so convicting for me. He should be the first one that I think of yet He seldom is. This is changing and He is the center of my thoughts more and more. The more I am focused on Him the more love that I give out to everybody else. Strange how that works.

OK so this is a very scattered post but it’s mine and I get to do what I want! I do hope that you enjoyed it and left it feeling convicted or better.

Father I thank you for giving me the ability and the opportunity to write this. I thank you for letting me land on my feet this morning. Thank you for giving me the chance to hug my dad, sister, Colleen, Grandma, Grandpa, and my mother Lord. Thank you for continuing to bless me over and over again with your grace. I know that I am undeserving but yet You still love me and I am so thankful. Please forgive me for not realizing how powerful Your love for me is and what a true blessing your grace is. Thank you Father. Amen

Night Ride

2008-05-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

A couple of nights ago I was riding Steves bike through town with Nozer and it was amazing!!! This is a real quick post and not a very God centered one but I just have to share it with you and this is my blog so I can write about what ever I want...I like this!!! So there I was cruising down the road side by side with Nozer (she says it was like Star Wars) and I was just amazed at how amazing it was. For those of you who ride you will be able to relate and for those of you who don't then stay off of a bike because it is like cocaine. As we rode along I could feel the easy temperatures changing as we would go by a creek or into a little valley. You could smell all of the flowers, trees, and wild vegetation in full bloom. There was a freedom to it that was amazing. It's almost like flying. You swoop in and out of the corners smoothly like dancing as the suspension takes in all of the bumps and deviations in the road. You can feel the bike moving like an extension of your body. You know when the tires will start to break free or a certain bump will make the bike move rough through the corner. There's something amazing about the stars and the moon while riding down the road with no doors, no window, nothing to shield you from His world. Well I guess that this is going to come back to God....I guess it all comes back to God. It's weird how that works isn't it? It will always come back to Him...if you let it....no, if you are open to him and can recognize that it really is all about Him, His love, His creation, His grace, you can fill in the rest. These are the miracles that I so love about Him.

Father thank you for constantly blessing me with your grace and your love that I can't even understand or return. Thank you for for this day and all of the blessing that I recognized and failed to recognize. Thank you for loving me Father, thank you for guiding me Father, thank you for letting me be a part of your kingdom. Amen

Simplicity in Christianity

2008-04-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

Lately God and I have been discussing how he wants me to approach Him. I've been looking at all of the crap.....I was going to change it but we'll keep it at crap.....so I've been looking at all of the crap that we cloud our relationships up with. Now I realize that we have some valid things from our past that can cloud up our present relationships including our relationship with God. Now please ask yourself if that is what He wants. Does he ask us to keep all of our baggage between Him and us or does He ask us to surrender it ALL to Him and have faith that we are safe in our relationship with Him to do this? If you are pondering this question then I highly urge you to stop reading and start praying for His guidance or go pick up your bible and browse through it. I recommend the last half of Matthew 28:20. Oh, He is so good! He wants us to let all of it go. Give it to Him, He will not let you down. He will not abandon you, He will not ask anything of you that you cannot provide, you are perfect in His eyes, I mean He is the one who made you. He created you to be exactly who you are and then He asked you to be you and to pursue Him and love Him back. It is an unconditional love. We have proven this by being the sinners that we are. Back to the beginning of this train of thought. It seems so simple to me that we just love Him and accept His love in return.

How much time do you spend with your closest friend every week? How much do spend with God? Don't get me wrong here because there is self conviction in this. Any of you who know me know all about my imperfections....but He made me so I'm feeling alright. Here I go getting all side tracked again. Back to simply being with God. Why is it that we complicate this beautiful thing? Is it our nature to keep on digging until we find what WE are looking for? Is it that we have complicated our own lives so much that we feel the need to complicate our relationship with God? Lets look at a theoretical relationship between a "courting couple". I'm still trying to figure out what that's supposed to look like in the Christian community so bear with me. Each side of the couple comes into the relationship with baggage. It could be our society saying that we need to have physical intimacy beyond what God has commanded, it could be that we feel the need to make it a dramatic thing, maybe there are romantic expectations from movies or music (I know I can't come up with any of those lines on the fly like that!!!). Then there are the past experiences like not having a father show me what a man is supposed to be or how he should treat his spouse, his queen. Or maybe there is the overbearing parent that you can't do anything right for. The opposite is just as bad, what if your parent made everything that you do into a great success and you never had to really work for success. Then we're into previous romantic relationships and the pain that comes from those that is brought to the surface. My chest gets tighter even thinking about it. Oh Lord please help us through all of these complications and turmoil. These relationships are right in your face, tangible, hard to ignore relationships in part due to there impatience. Our Father however is very patient. He waited for almost 29 years to bring me to Him. I have no doubt in my mind that He had every bit of it planned out to make me the man that I am so that I can now pursue and love him with the ferocity that I now do. Thank you Father.

So I come back again to pursuing God with a simple heart. I don't know if that is what everyone should do but I do know that He has pressed that on my heart more and more. He created a miracle in me and you. His love is a miracle. Lydia's laugh is a miracle. A hug from Kerri, Breavus, Dave, Mom, Gary etc. is a miracle. There is a love there that is so true. I don't need to levitate, be healed or catch a feather to realize that God is AMAZING and that every moment with Him is a blessing beyond my comprehension. I have no way of understanding His heart or His love for me but I sure can love Him and that is so simple for me. I just have to use any of my senses to realize that. I can look out the window and watch Tyler playing with a leaf while an easy breeze brushes across the trees, I can see the radiant colors of the sky, the flowers, and the leaves. I can smell the honeysuckle, the river, the pre-rain, or a familiar friend. I can taste a sweet apple, the nectar from a honeysuckle, or even a carrot ;o). I can feel Lydias soft skin against my nose as we cuddle and laugh, a familiar hug, the warm sun on my skin as the wind moves across it while sailing, the water beating down on me in the shower, the grass under my feet....no wait, the mud squishing up between my toes (that's a fun one!). How about the sound of the wind moving through the trees, a loved ones laugh, that song that brings back such wonderful vivid memories, lapping waves against the hull or a baby chatting away in baby talk. This is my favorite....are you ready.....the way that your heart feels when God is there and you have opened your heart to Him, the way you feel when a fond memory comes back, how it flutters when the beautiful woman that you love walks into the room, when yousee a friend that you have a deep love and affection for, the warmth that comes with a hug from Mom when you really need it. Oh thank you God!!!

During this part of my trip I pray that these are the things that bring delight to my life. Let us pray. Please say this with me don't just read it, speak it to Him.

Father thank you for loving me. Thank you for making the promise "I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Thank you reminding me of all of Your miracles in our daily life and I pray that you apply pressure to me when I start to take these for granted. Father I pray that you remind me that none of these are trivial and that they are all grand statements of Your love for me. God you are so great!!! Please help me when I struggle with trying to understand You, I know that I can't and I'm OK with that. Please forgive me for letting my past cloud my now and our relationship. Father please let me forgive and ask for forgiveness where it is needed so that I can pursue You with more clarity. Father help me let go of those things that prevent me from growing in my relationships here in your kingdom. I realize that those relationships are so important and I am still scared of the pain that can come from them. Father please help me replace that fear with faith. I pray for all of those who are saying this prayer. I pray for my enemy's and my heart for them. I pray that you let me be OK with the things that I don't understand that are from you Father. Father I love you. Father I love you. Father I love you. Amen

Christian/Disciple part 2

2008-04-22T21:06:00.001-07:00

I am so glad that I got such a similar response from all of you. I regret and am slightly ashamed to share with you my feelings on the subject because they are feelings more from the past than the present. Once again please keep in mind my infancy in my walk with God. I have a very hard time calling myself a Christian. I have had so many poor experiences with others who have and I am ashamed to be a part of that. As I write this I think that it's more like disgust. In the same breath I am ashamed to say that because I feel like maybe I'm turning from Jesus a bit. Isn't it amazing the power of one word.

After being a fireman for a number of years I have classified them into two groups. You start out with the Hero who is the guy wearing the tight shirt to show off his muscles. He makes sure that he has the perfect image and that he gets in front of the camera as often as possible. He is easy to find because he makes himself visible as such and probably shaves his arms. If you look closely behind that man there will be a man/woman covered in dirt and soot. They smell, are exhausted, filthy, and have hair on their arms. These folks are the ones training and caring for the equipment while the heros lift weights and watch TV while gossipping amongst each other about all of the things wrong with the dept. and the world. The second group are the firemen. In a way, that I need to spend some time asking God to change my heart on, that is how I look at the difference between a Christian and a Disciple.

For those of you that have spent time with me and know me I would hope that I come across as a disciple to you because that is the man of God that I wish to be. If not then it is your duty to call me on it! Put my feet to the fire!!! Please don't stand by while I am stagnant. Don't let me become luke warm.

Father I pray that you light a fire in my heart and the hearts of all the people reading this now. I pray that we seek your heart with all of ours and that we don't ever stop saying no to you. When it gets hard I pray that we seek you Father and when it is easy I pray that we pursue you even more and never become lax in our love and commitment to you God. Show us how to disciple and make burn with desire to be just that. Thank you Father for your grace on us. Amen

Disciple/Christian part 1

2008-04-20T23:28:00.000-07:00

Today Pastor Mike Kearns talked about discipleship and it made me raise a question for YOU. What is the difference between a disciple and a Christian? I look forward to your comments and will finish with part 2 soon.

QUICK, check yourself for the pulse!!!

2008-04-11T20:37:00.000-07:00

The first thing that I was told today was that a friend had passed away last night. I smiled inside and felt loss at the same time. Maxine had lost the love of her life recently and in December said that she was done. She had lived a good life and was surrounded by people that loved her and that she loved in return. May we all be so blessed. I smiled because she is back with Ralph. Oh man did she love Ralph. I wish I could understand the way that she felt when she said that she wanted to be with him again but I can only appreciate it at this point in my life.

Over the past 10 months I have had 3 people that I had a good relationship, at one point or another, with die. Another man that I was just getting to know and even another "family" member, that I wasn't very close with, die. It has been an interesting year in this aspect. I've looked a man in the eyes when he died and have seen a number of dead people. I've seen them come back from death. After all of this and my faith I have, what I believe to be, a strong appreciation and understanding of death. Even so, I would never want to see the day that my sister passes on and I fear the day that my Mother or Father does. I realize that life is terminal and I'm completely OK with that. There have been times when I didn't think that I would see the rest of the day and I was scared but accepting. With God in my life the fear as subsided even though I don't want to leave this earth because I feel like I have so much of God's work to do here.

It's funny because the more that I think about death the more that I think about life and all of the blessings that God has bestowed upon me. I really do love life!!! I try to soak up every bit of it that I can and I know that I have a long way to go on learning how to do this well. It saddens me to see people sit around idle. To be in front of their TV the second that they walk in the door. The see places all around the world from their living room but they never experience them. There is no feel of the mist on their skin as the ride through a cloud or the smell of the fresh rain in an Irish castle while you hear horses outside moving around and snorting. You can't feel the wind pushing the fog bank off of the coast or your gloved hand moving through the powder while carving fresh tracks on your board. WHAT A TRAGEDY!!!

There is a pulse to life that God has given us and each of us has something that breathes life into us. The laugh of a child, a field of indian paintbrush and golden poppy's, a run through a ravine, reading by the campfire, etc. I urge you to use that pulse. Just like the heart it needs exercise to stay healthy. I am a true believer in the saying that life is what happens to you between the plans. It's the "little" things of everyday life that can get that pulse beating. Find them they are there. God has surrounded us with them, we just need to quiet our minds and focus on God and they will be there. I watched a man and a woman dance in the parking lot of an elderly home at 2 in the morning one time and I have never forgot it. I guarantee you their pulse was beating, it was getting it's exercise. What do you do to get your pulse beating? This is important!!! Are

we just to exist and not to live?

I'm so afraid that I will not live enough to experience all that God has created for me to experience, even the rough stuff. It's all there for me to go through.....to live through. He's got it figured out for us we just have to still our minds, open our hearts, and ALWAYS say yes to Him.

God I thank you for the chance to write now. To live in place where I have the freedoms to do so and praise you publicly. God I thank you for giving me this pulse and letting it beat in my soul everyday. God I pray for all of those people out there who are so "satisfied with mediocrity and fear making manifest your glory within them. Lord I thank you for walking with me and holding my heart in your hands when I hurt and reminding me that there is a reason for it and that all things are better with you God. I thank you for bringing to me to this place right now and reminding me to live right here right now. God I lift up the people that will read this and I pray that they would open up some communication with me that is from you God. I pray that our interactions would be fruitful and would breathe life into each others pulses, that we would excite each other to find these things in everyday life and cherish them for what they are God. I pray these things Jesus name, AMEN!!!

pictures

Top-Between the clouds on Copley Mt.

middle- In memory of Ed Andrew (far left next to me)

Bottom-Smith Rock summit, Colin Cass. What a day!

The road less traveled.

2008-04-06T15:36:00.000-07:00

As most of you know by now I live in Redding Ca. and I love it! There are many who have spent a long time trying to get away from Redding and I have never understood it. I have heard many say that they love to vacation here and I know why. We are blessed with some of the most beautiful country. I try to spend at least one day a week exploring it and in doing so getting closer to God. I tend to do this on two wheels. Either on my dirt bike or my mountain bike.

As most others I have my favorite trails. They can become favorites for so many reasons. A great downhill with some good hits, some fast singletracks lined with indian paint brush and covered with oaks and pine trees, or a technical ascent with some fun rock gardens. In having these favorites we tend to stick to them and we don't move on to others. I am so very much a creature of habit. I have my favorites and love sticking to their familiar curves, hills, roots and other obstacles. They have become familiar and safe for me because I know what to expect around each turn and over each hill. I can slide around each corners and fly over each rock garden knowing what to expect. This is a blast!!! But, oh yes the infamous "but", I am not stepping out of my safety zone. It is challenging to ride these same rides over and over again and to try and improve on my technique but it is still the same safe trail again and again. There is something tragic in this though. There is a whole world out there and if I only stay on the familiar and never reach out then I will always only get the same thing over and over again and never get to experience the world. On this last ride I tried something new.

I went riding with someone new this time and was shown some different trails. I was a bit nervous about riding them. I didn't want to go into something that I wasn't familiar with. It is scary for me to try something new. What if I come around a corner that is tighter than expected and go off a cliff or into a tree. What if the trail is all torn up and loose with large rocks. What if I feel pain from rocks, manzanita, or other unexpected obstacles. I fear the pain, the new, the road less traveled. You see the fork in the road that I came upon had a trail to the left that was covered in familiarity. It is a fun down hill with a half dozen switch backs. There is a root on the down hill side of the trail at one part that you can jump off of and bounce over to the up hill side of the trail and ride the wall of the trail. I know that the loose leaves on the trail will make my tires slide a certain way around the switch backs. But to the right....

To the right the trail climbs up a slow incline that has been rarely used. You can see that the trail is rarely rode and it looks a bit ominous. Once again I am faced with the fears and doubts of this new trail. But what if I take this leap of faith and follow the suggestion of a friend? What if I take that trail that is new to me and rarely used? What if I take the trail that looks difficult instead of the trail that I'm used to? So I take that leap of faith. I jump on that bike and as soon as I'm around the corner I can see that I'm in for a great ride! The trail is tight with a good drop off on the left side. I can take it fast but there are sharp turns and fun obstacles to challenge me along the way. I'm moving quick, sliding into corners and pumping hard out of them. I'm smiling and my hearts beating faster and faster. I'm thanking God for this day and the ability to ride this trail. I'm thanking God for putting me right here right now. This is what life is all about. This is that trust in God, that leap of faith that doesn't make sense at first but the rewards are far to great when you have that faith. I leave the trail with a fresh scratch on my arm from the manzanita but feeling so alive! I knew that there was that chance that I could feel pain or crash hard but I had faith and the rewards were great!

I struggle with surrendering every part of my life to God and just taking that leap of faith in God. When I do He never lets me down. It might not be what I always want but it is always what is best for me. He cares for me like His very own son even when I struggle with my faith in Him. So I thank Him.

God thank you for seeing into my heart and still loving me. Thank you for always having faith in me God. I don't deserve it but you still shower me with your blessing. Thank you for the courage when it's just doesn't make sense to follow you. I pray that you are patient with me as I stumble through my faith in you God. I thank you for all of the patience that you have shown so far. I thank you for all of those hard times that you used to bring me closer to you God and for using them to show me your faith and love in me. I thank you for the life that I live and for all of the blessed moments that I get experience every day. In your name I pray these things, AMEN!

Dreams

2008-04-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

Over the past 2 months or so I have had some very vivid and frightening dreams once every two weeks or so. Upon reflection I feel like they are from the spiritual warfare going on around me. I think about the Frank Peretti books (hi Dean) and his frightening descriptions of spiritual warfare. I also think about how he would describe the angels and how they would cover a saint with their wings when the time was right. What set this whole thought process off again was another blogger and some of the things mentioned in her blog. When I read it my most recent vivid dream made complete sense and I feel like I should share this with you. I get self conscious about it because I find it hard to just blab about some thing liek this because there is a very low chance of it becoming a deeper conversation between myself and you but here is goes any ways. Please forgive all spelling and grammatical errors.

The dream takes place on a small lake behind my uncle and aunts place in Park City Utah during the winter when it is iced over. I'm sure that is is a rather shallow lake, maybe 40-60 feet deep. During this dream I find myself trying to rescue a horse that has fallen through the ice and is stuck. My mother is there with me helping this horse out when all of the sudden we find ourselves in the freezing water. I can still feelmy body locked up from the cold and that tight feeling on my chest like there is an electrical shocking keeping all of my muscles constricted so tight that I can only get out small gasps of air. Almost right away there is some one there to help us out and as I reach for their hand I get pulled under with an amazing force. I am sinking so fast that I can barely understand it. I remember reaching up and seeing my arm and hand pointed to the surface and trying to figure out how I can get back up there. I remember thinking that the lake is shallow and I should be at the bottom soon and from there I can push off of it and get back to the top. My muscles are still so tight from the cold water that I can't swim against the force because I'm nearly paralized so I just stare up at my mother who is looking back down at me with her arms reaching for me but she had a peaceful look on her face.

I remember that point where I knew that I was going to die. I remember that thought that this was it and that there was no point in fighting anymore. It was such a strange place to be. There was a peace about it. I kept my eyes fixed on my mother and just wated to tell her that I love her. I just had this strong desire to let her know that I love her. I kept sinking and at the moment that I was going to die I woke up.

I finaly caught my breath and it fealt so good to be able to breathe. I was scared though so I started to pray. I asked God for the purpose of the dream and He told me that it was because I was slipping away from Him again and I needed to get back to Him. This made no sense to me because it was my mother that I was slipping away from so I just dismissed it as my thoughts instead of Him talking to me. I'm a slow learner. Lucky for me God knows how to talk to my stubborness. About the that time a couple of weeks ago a guy from South Africa wrote to me on my blogs (hello again Dean) and we had a couple of conversations since then. A couple of days ago I was reading Mr. Demars blog and it made me go to Deans to ask him a question and I got turned onto another blog by Kirsten (hi Kirsten) and I have spent the last couple of days reading through her writings (they are fantastic so check them out http://www.blogger.com/profile/09789771023962578029) and happened upon one of dreams in which her mother was a way for Jesus to represent himself in a safe and familiar way to her. This was like getting smacked in the back of the head and having all of the lights come on all at once. I finaly got what my dream was. A little slow but what a rewarding end.

I find it amazing to think about the ways that God uses to speak to us. I had to circumnavigate the globe via the internet to understand my dream and in the process have found two more people with similar hearts and a love for Jesus so I guess thanks should be given where thanks is due.

God I thank you for this day, this life, this breath, these friends, family and enemies of mine. I thank you for knowing me in a way that I could never know myself and for showing me the way to You through my stubborn self centered heart. I thank you for making this dream a great way to connect with you and more of my brothers and sister in you. I am so sorry for not having the faith in you that you deserve and I am so thankful for your faith in me that I don't deserve. God I pray that you continue to speak to my heart in a way that open it more and more to you. I pray that my heart breaks for the things that break yours. Lord I pray for these new friends of mine and thank you for bringing them into my life in a way that I could have never imagined. I pray that you bless them through me and the conversations that I have with them. I pray that you use us to further expand your kingdom and love into this world. I thank you for showing me that there is a whole world put there and that I can reach it from right here through you God. In your holy name I pray these things. Amen.

Be blessed and may you find yourself pursuing God with all of your hearts.

It's all about me!!!

2008-03-24T19:31:00.000-07:00

Most of you know me and that is why you are here but there are some crazy people out there that in their boredom have happened upon these blogs so here is a little something about me. My name is Caleb. OK that's it.......more?! Ok here it goes. I started this blog as a way to communicate with a friend about a number of different thoughts in regards to our spiritual beliefs who doesn't have a schedule that match's mine.

Over the past two years I worked with a guy who has a love for God and every thing that involves. For most of that time I tried to convince Dave that Organized "religion" was a bunch of crap and he would always say "maybe but..." and then we would be moving down the next line of conversation. One day I asked him how he knew with out physical proof that there was a God. He said that he didn't have any but his life is better and more fulfilled when he is pursuing god. I watched Dave for two years and had never seen anybody walk out a life with God with such integrity before so I decided that I should take a shot at it. Since that time I have started a relationship with God that has turned my world upside down and rocked it in such an amazing way.

God has shown me his wisdom over and over again. I was in an amazing relationship that was headed in a great wordly direction but there were parts of our relationship that weren't of God. Our relationship ended very abruptly for reasons that I had a hard time understanding...I guess I still don't but in that end I have come even closer to God and I think that He used that to bring me closer to Him. In a short time I have lost my job, the woman that I love and her two wonderful children, and the life that I once valued so much. Through this loss God has brought me closer to him and has helped me re-evaluate what I want in life. God tore me down to rebuild me and I feel so honored by it. It has been a scary, humbling, thrilling and exciting ride so far and I look forward to what God has in store for me.

So as you read these blogs please realize that any of it that has to do with theology is coming from an infant disciple. I am feeling my way through this as a clumsy sinner and am open to any thing that you have to say. Please feel free to contradict anything that I say or give any information to further educate me. Thank you for checking this out and please drop me some lines. I hope that you find this healthy, blessed and with a smile.

Prayer/Meditation

2008-03-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

There is something that I struggle with as I pursue my walk with God and that is prayer/meditation time and time reading. I think that it is less of a problem and more of a discipline though. I’m reading a book called ’Practicing God’s Presence’ that is a short glimpse into a monk from the mid 1600’s named Brother Lawrence. I’m only a little ways into it but I was totally challenged immediately by this uneducated simple man. Brother Lawrence made his purpose in life to serve God and in doing so hungered for a constant communication with God. This would be like constant prayer or meditation while going about your constant day to day duties. It’s amazing the joy and love that he felt from this!

In my day to day life I could only hope and pray for such a bond. I think that it comes from that daily surrender and discipline of talking with God. It’s like that country song where the kid is always imitating his father and the father sees the son praying like he’s talking to a good friend. The father asks where he learned to pray like that and his son says from watching him. I want to pray like that. I want to have that love and bond with God. This goes for anybody though. There is some sort of prayer or meditation in every faith that I know of and the end result is almost the same in all of them.

My question to you is this....what part does prayer or meditation have on your life? Is that the the part that you want it to have? Please feel free to add anything that you want or ask questions...I might even have a good answer.
Be blessed
Caleb

Fear?

2008-03-12T21:06:00.000-07:00

There are so many different ways that fear plays a part in a persons life. It can effect everything from the way that you drive to the way that you love...especially the way that you love. This can be taken in so many different ways. It can be in the way that you love your spouse to the way that you love Jesus. They are both difficult and have many different aspects of fear in them. When you really just sit down and think about it you'll realize that fear has impacted almost, if not every, aspect of your life. It can even be the trust of a friend because your friend at 4 years old stole your GI Joe. The problem is the way that we allow these things to effect our lives. I have always had a hard time feeling loved or cared for by a girlfriend if there isn't a strong physical intimacy there. I used to feel that it was a must in the relationship. I have been building an amazing relationship with God that gives me the moral judgement to say that it is the wrong way to go into that relationship but at the same time it is the only thing that I have known. That is where the trust in God comes in. This is SCARY for me to trust God!!! I'm far too independent and stubborn to just surrender my free will. God is helping me with this in the way that he is moving in my life. My fear is being replaced by faith.....or maybe it's something else. Maybe it's the decision that there is something more important than the fear.

Ok, enough of my ramblings. It's late and my mind is foggy so please feel free to add to this or express your feelings towards this. Don't worry about hurting my feeling. I'm far to shallow to feel the pain for to long. I look forward to your thoughts and our conversations. Be blessed.

Faith

2008-03-08T23:04:00.001-08:00

Well hello there and welcome to my first blog. Pretty exciting isn't it!?! On my myspace I often post questions as to what a particular word or phrase means to people and today my friend Jessica told me to check this out so here I am and her is my first question for you.

What is Faith to you? How does it play in to every moment of your life or does it even play into your life at all?

I look forward to hearing your answers to this. Thank you for taking the time to read this and answer it. Be blessed.