Night Ride

A couple of nights ago I was riding Steves bike through town with Nozer and it was amazing!!! This is a real quick post and not a very God centered one but I just have to share it with you and this is my blog so I can write about what ever I want...I like this!!! So there I was cruising down the road side by side with Nozer (she says it was like Star Wars) and I was just amazed at how amazing it was. For those of you who ride you will be able to relate and for those of you who don't then stay off of a bike because it is like cocaine. As we rode along I could feel the easy temperatures changing as we would go by a creek or into a little valley. You could smell all of the flowers, trees, and wild vegetation in full bloom. There was a freedom to it that was amazing. It's almost like flying. You swoop in and out of the corners smoothly like dancing as the suspension takes in all of the bumps and deviations in the road. You can feel the bike moving like an extension of your body. You know when the tires will start to break free or a certain bump will make the bike move rough through the corner. There's something amazing about the stars and the moon while riding down the road with no doors, no window, nothing to shield you from His world. Well I guess that this is going to come back to God....I guess it all comes back to God. It's weird how that works isn't it? It will always come back to Him...if you let it....no, if you are open to him and can recognize that it really is all about Him, His love, His creation, His grace, you can fill in the rest. These are the miracles that I so love about Him.

Father thank you for constantly blessing me with your grace and your love that I can't even understand or return. Thank you for for this day and all of the blessing that I recognized and failed to recognize. Thank you for loving me Father, thank you for guiding me Father, thank you for letting me be a part of your kingdom. Amen

Simplicity in Christianity

Lately God and I have been discussing how he wants me to approach Him. I've been looking at all of the crap.....I was going to change it but we'll keep it at crap.....so I've been looking at all of the crap that we cloud our relationships up with. Now I realize that we have some valid things from our past that can cloud up our present relationships including our relationship with God. Now please ask yourself if that is what He wants. Does he ask us to keep all of our baggage between Him and us or does He ask us to surrender it ALL to Him and have faith that we are safe in our relationship with Him to do this? If you are pondering this question then I highly urge you to stop reading and start praying for His guidance or go pick up your bible and browse through it. I recommend the last half of Matthew 28:20. Oh, He is so good! He wants us to let all of it go. Give it to Him, He will not let you down. He will not abandon you, He will not ask anything of you that you cannot provide, you are perfect in His eyes, I mean He is the one who made you. He created you to be exactly who you are and then He asked you to be you and to pursue Him and love Him back. It is an unconditional love. We have proven this by being the sinners that we are. Back to the beginning of this train of thought. It seems so simple to me that we just love Him and accept His love in return.

How much time do you spend with your closest friend every week? How much do spend with God? Don't get me wrong here because there is self conviction in this. Any of you who know me know all about my imperfections....but He made me so I'm feeling alright. Here I go getting all side tracked again. Back to simply being with God. Why is it that we complicate this beautiful thing? Is it our nature to keep on digging until we find what WE are looking for? Is it that we have complicated our own lives so much that we feel the need to complicate our relationship with God? Lets look at a theoretical relationship between a "courting couple". I'm still trying to figure out what that's supposed to look like in the Christian community so bear with me. Each side of the couple comes into the relationship with baggage. It could be our society saying that we need to have physical intimacy beyond what God has commanded, it could be that we feel the need to make it a dramatic thing, maybe there are romantic expectations from movies or music (I know I can't come up with any of those lines on the fly like that!!!). Then there are the past experiences like not having a father show me what a man is supposed to be or how he should treat his spouse, his queen. Or maybe there is the overbearing parent that you can't do anything right for. The opposite is just as bad, what if your parent made everything that you do into a great success and you never had to really work for success. Then we're into previous romantic relationships and the pain that comes from those that is brought to the surface. My chest gets tighter even thinking about it. Oh Lord please help us through all of these complications and turmoil. These relationships are right in your face, tangible, hard to ignore relationships in part due to there impatience. Our Father however is very patient. He waited for almost 29 years to bring me to Him. I have no doubt in my mind that He had every bit of it planned out to make me the man that I am so that I can now pursue and love him with the ferocity that I now do. Thank you Father.

So I come back again to pursuing God with a simple heart. I don't know if that is what everyone should do but I do know that He has pressed that on my heart more and more. He created a miracle in me and you. His love is a miracle. Lydia's laugh is a miracle. A hug from Kerri, Breavus, Dave, Mom, Gary etc. is a miracle. There is a love there that is so true. I don't need to levitate, be healed or catch a feather to realize that God is AMAZING and that every moment with Him is a blessing beyond my comprehension. I have no way of understanding His heart or His love for me but I sure can love Him and that is so simple for me. I just have to use any of my senses to realize that. I can look out the window and watch Tyler playing with a leaf while an easy breeze brushes across the trees, I can see the radiant colors of the sky, the flowers, and the leaves. I can smell the honeysuckle, the river, the pre-rain, or a familiar friend. I can taste a sweet apple, the nectar from a honeysuckle, or even a carrot ;o). I can feel Lydias soft skin against my nose as we cuddle and laugh, a familiar hug, the warm sun on my skin as the wind moves across it while sailing, the water beating down on me in the shower, the grass under my feet....no wait, the mud squishing up between my toes (that's a fun one!). How about the sound of the wind moving through the trees, a loved ones laugh, that song that brings back such wonderful vivid memories, lapping waves against the hull or a baby chatting away in baby talk. This is my favorite....are you ready.....the way that your heart feels when God is there and you have opened your heart to Him, the way you feel when a fond memory comes back, how it flutters when the beautiful woman that you love walks into the room, when yousee a friend that you have a deep love and affection for, the warmth that comes with a hug from Mom when you really need it. Oh thank you God!!!

During this part of my trip I pray that these are the things that bring delight to my life. Let us pray. Please say this with me don't just read it, speak it to Him.

Father thank you for loving me. Thank you for making the promise "I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Thank you reminding me of all of Your miracles in our daily life and I pray that you apply pressure to me when I start to take these for granted. Father I pray that you remind me that none of these are trivial and that they are all grand statements of Your love for me. God you are so great!!! Please help me when I struggle with trying to understand You, I know that I can't and I'm OK with that. Please forgive me for letting my past cloud my now and our relationship. Father please let me forgive and ask for forgiveness where it is needed so that I can pursue You with more clarity. Father help me let go of those things that prevent me from growing in my relationships here in your kingdom. I realize that those relationships are so important and I am still scared of the pain that can come from them. Father please help me replace that fear with faith. I pray for all of those who are saying this prayer. I pray for my enemy's and my heart for them. I pray that you let me be OK with the things that I don't understand that are from you Father. Father I love you. Father I love you. Father I love you. Amen

Christian/Disciple part 2

I am so glad that I got such a similar response from all of you. I regret and am slightly ashamed to share with you my feelings on the subject because they are feelings more from the past than the present. Once again please keep in mind my infancy in my walk with God. I have a very hard time calling myself a Christian. I have had so many poor experiences with others who have and I am ashamed to be a part of that. As I write this I think that it's more like disgust. In the same breath I am ashamed to say that because I feel like maybe I'm turning from Jesus a bit. Isn't it amazing the power of one word.

After being a fireman for a number of years I have classified them into two groups. You start out with the Hero who is the guy wearing the tight shirt to show off his muscles. He makes sure that he has the perfect image and that he gets in front of the camera as often as possible. He is easy to find because he makes himself visible as such and probably shaves his arms. If you look closely behind that man there will be a man/woman covered in dirt and soot. They smell, are exhausted, filthy, and have hair on their arms. These folks are the ones training and caring for the equipment while the heros lift weights and watch TV while gossipping amongst each other about all of the things wrong with the dept. and the world. The second group are the firemen. In a way, that I need to spend some time asking God to change my heart on, that is how I look at the difference between a Christian and a Disciple.

For those of you that have spent time with me and know me I would hope that I come across as a disciple to you because that is the man of God that I wish to be. If not then it is your duty to call me on it! Put my feet to the fire!!! Please don't stand by while I am stagnant. Don't let me become luke warm.

Father I pray that you light a fire in my heart and the hearts of all the people reading this now. I pray that we seek your heart with all of ours and that we don't ever stop saying no to you. When it gets hard I pray that we seek you Father and when it is easy I pray that we pursue you even more and never become lax in our love and commitment to you God. Show us how to disciple and make burn with desire to be just that. Thank you Father for your grace on us. Amen

Disciple/Christian part 1

Today Pastor Mike Kearns talked about discipleship and it made me raise a question for YOU. What is the difference between a disciple and a Christian? I look forward to your comments and will finish with part 2 soon.

QUICK, check yourself for the pulse!!!

The first thing that I was told today was that a friend had passed away last night. I smiled inside and felt loss at the same time. Maxine had lost the love of her life recently and in December said that she was done. She had lived a good life and was surrounded by people that loved her and that she loved in return. May we all be so blessed. I smiled because she is back with Ralph. Oh man did she love Ralph. I wish I could understand the way that she felt when she said that she wanted to be with him again but I can only appreciate it at this point in my life.

Over the past 10 months I have had 3 people that I had a good relationship, at one point or another, with die. Another man that I was just getting to know and even another "family" member, that I wasn't very close with, die. It has been an interesting year in this aspect. I've looked a man in the eyes when he died and have seen a number of dead people. I've seen them come back from death. After all of this and my faith I have, what I believe to be, a strong appreciation and understanding of death. Even so, I would never want to see the day that my sister passes on and I fear the day that my Mother or Father does. I realize that life is terminal and I'm completely OK with that. There have been times when I didn't think that I would see the rest of the day and I was scared but accepting. With God in my life the fear as subsided even though I don't want to leave this earth because I feel like I have so much of God's work to do here.

It's funny because the more that I think about death the more that I think about life and all of the blessings that God has bestowed upon me. I really do love life!!! I try to soak up every bit of it that I can and I know that I have a long way to go on learning how to do this well. It saddens me to see people sit around idle. To be in front of their TV the second that they walk in the door. The see places all around the world from their living room but they never experience them. There is no feel of the mist on their skin as the ride through a cloud or the smell of the fresh rain in an Irish castle while you hear horses outside moving around and snorting. You can't feel the wind pushing the fog bank off of the coast or your gloved hand moving through the powder while carving fresh tracks on your board. WHAT A TRAGEDY!!!

There is a pulse to life that God has given us and each of us has something that breathes life into us. The laugh of a child, a field of indian paintbrush and golden poppy's, a run through a ravine, reading by the campfire, etc. I urge you to use that pulse. Just like the heart it needs exercise to stay healthy. I am a true believer in the saying that life is what happens to you between the plans. It's the "little" things of everyday life that can get that pulse beating. Find them they are there. God has surrounded us with them, we just need to quiet our minds and focus on God and they will be there. I watched a man and a woman dance in the parking lot of an elderly home at 2 in the morning one time and I have never forgot it. I guarantee you their pulse was beating, it was getting it's exercise. What do you do to get your pulse beating? This is important!!! Are

we just to exist and not to live?

I'm so afraid that I will not live enough to experience all that God has created for me to experience, even the rough stuff. It's all there for me to go through.....to live through. He's got it figured out for us we just have to still our minds, open our hearts, and ALWAYS say yes to Him.

God I thank you for the chance to write now. To live in place where I have the freedoms to do so and praise you publicly. God I thank you for giving me this pulse and letting it beat in my soul everyday. God I pray for all of those people out there who are so "satisfied with mediocrity and fear making manifest your glory within them. Lord I thank you for walking with me and holding my heart in your hands when I hurt and reminding me that there is a reason for it and that all things are better with you God. I thank you for bringing to me to this place right now and reminding me to live right here right now. God I lift up the people that will read this and I pray that they would open up some communication with me that is from you God. I pray that our interactions would be fruitful and would breathe life into each others pulses, that we would excite each other to find these things in everyday life and cherish them for what they are God. I pray these things Jesus name, AMEN!!!

pictures

Top-Between the clouds on Copley Mt.

middle- In memory of Ed Andrew (far left next to me)

Bottom-Smith Rock summit, Colin Cass. What a day!

The road less traveled.

As most of you know by now I live in Redding Ca. and I love it! There are many who have spent a long time trying to get away from Redding and I have never understood it. I have heard many say that they love to vacation here and I know why. We are blessed with some of the most beautiful country. I try to spend at least one day a week exploring it and in doing so getting closer to God. I tend to do this on two wheels. Either on my dirt bike or my mountain bike.

As most others I have my favorite trails. They can become favorites for so many reasons. A great downhill with some good hits, some fast singletracks lined with indian paint brush and covered with oaks and pine trees, or a technical ascent with some fun rock gardens. In having these favorites we tend to stick to them and we don't move on to others. I am so very much a creature of habit. I have my favorites and love sticking to their familiar curves, hills, roots and other obstacles. They have become familiar and safe for me because I know what to expect around each turn and over each hill. I can slide around each corners and fly over each rock garden knowing what to expect. This is a blast!!! But, oh yes the infamous "but", I am not stepping out of my safety zone. It is challenging to ride these same rides over and over again and to try and improve on my technique but it is still the same safe trail again and again. There is something tragic in this though. There is a whole world out there and if I only stay on the familiar and never reach out then I will always only get the same thing over and over again and never get to experience the world. On this last ride I tried something new.

I went riding with someone new this time and was shown some different trails. I was a bit nervous about riding them. I didn't want to go into something that I wasn't familiar with. It is scary for me to try something new. What if I come around a corner that is tighter than expected and go off a cliff or into a tree. What if the trail is all torn up and loose with large rocks. What if I feel pain from rocks, manzanita, or other unexpected obstacles. I fear the pain, the new, the road less traveled. You see the fork in the road that I came upon had a trail to the left that was covered in familiarity. It is a fun down hill with a half dozen switch backs. There is a root on the down hill side of the trail at one part that you can jump off of and bounce over to the up hill side of the trail and ride the wall of the trail. I know that the loose leaves on the trail will make my tires slide a certain way around the switch backs. But to the right....

To the right the trail climbs up a slow incline that has been rarely used. You can see that the trail is rarely rode and it looks a bit ominous. Once again I am faced with the fears and doubts of this new trail. But what if I take this leap of faith and follow the suggestion of a friend? What if I take that trail that is new to me and rarely used? What if I take the trail that looks difficult instead of the trail that I'm used to? So I take that leap of faith. I jump on that bike and as soon as I'm around the corner I can see that I'm in for a great ride! The trail is tight with a good drop off on the left side. I can take it fast but there are sharp turns and fun obstacles to challenge me along the way. I'm moving quick, sliding into corners and pumping hard out of them. I'm smiling and my hearts beating faster and faster. I'm thanking God for this day and the ability to ride this trail. I'm thanking God for putting me right here right now. This is what life is all about. This is that trust in God, that leap of faith that doesn't make sense at first but the rewards are far to great when you have that faith. I leave the trail with a fresh scratch on my arm from the manzanita but feeling so alive! I knew that there was that chance that I could feel pain or crash hard but I had faith and the rewards were great!

I struggle with surrendering every part of my life to God and just taking that leap of faith in God. When I do He never lets me down. It might not be what I always want but it is always what is best for me. He cares for me like His very own son even when I struggle with my faith in Him. So I thank Him.

God thank you for seeing into my heart and still loving me. Thank you for always having faith in me God. I don't deserve it but you still shower me with your blessing. Thank you for the courage when it's just doesn't make sense to follow you. I pray that you are patient with me as I stumble through my faith in you God. I thank you for all of the patience that you have shown so far. I thank you for all of those hard times that you used to bring me closer to you God and for using them to show me your faith and love in me. I thank you for the life that I live and for all of the blessed moments that I get experience every day. In your name I pray these things, AMEN!

Dreams

Over the past 2 months or so I have had some very vivid and frightening dreams once every two weeks or so. Upon reflection I feel like they are from the spiritual warfare going on around me. I think about the Frank Peretti books (hi Dean) and his frightening descriptions of spiritual warfare. I also think about how he would describe the angels and how they would cover a saint with their wings when the time was right. What set this whole thought process off again was another blogger and some of the things mentioned in her blog. When I read it my most recent vivid dream made complete sense and I feel like I should share this with you. I get self conscious about it because I find it hard to just blab about some thing liek this because there is a very low chance of it becoming a deeper conversation between myself and you but here is goes any ways. Please forgive all spelling and grammatical errors.

The dream takes place on a small lake behind my uncle and aunts place in Park City Utah during the winter when it is iced over. I'm sure that is is a rather shallow lake, maybe 40-60 feet deep. During this dream I find myself trying to rescue a horse that has fallen through the ice and is stuck. My mother is there with me helping this horse out when all of the sudden we find ourselves in the freezing water. I can still feelmy body locked up from the cold and that tight feeling on my chest like there is an electrical shocking keeping all of my muscles constricted so tight that I can only get out small gasps of air. Almost right away there is some one there to help us out and as I reach for their hand I get pulled under with an amazing force. I am sinking so fast that I can barely understand it. I remember reaching up and seeing my arm and hand pointed to the surface and trying to figure out how I can get back up there. I remember thinking that the lake is shallow and I should be at the bottom soon and from there I can push off of it and get back to the top. My muscles are still so tight from the cold water that I can't swim against the force because I'm nearly paralized so I just stare up at my mother who is looking back down at me with her arms reaching for me but she had a peaceful look on her face.

I remember that point where I knew that I was going to die. I remember that thought that this was it and that there was no point in fighting anymore. It was such a strange place to be. There was a peace about it. I kept my eyes fixed on my mother and just wated to tell her that I love her. I just had this strong desire to let her know that I love her. I kept sinking and at the moment that I was going to die I woke up.

I finaly caught my breath and it fealt so good to be able to breathe. I was scared though so I started to pray. I asked God for the purpose of the dream and He told me that it was because I was slipping away from Him again and I needed to get back to Him. This made no sense to me because it was my mother that I was slipping away from so I just dismissed it as my thoughts instead of Him talking to me. I'm a slow learner. Lucky for me God knows how to talk to my stubborness. About the that time a couple of weeks ago a guy from South Africa wrote to me on my blogs (hello again Dean) and we had a couple of conversations since then. A couple of days ago I was reading Mr. Demars blog and it made me go to Deans to ask him a question and I got turned onto another blog by Kirsten (hi Kirsten) and I have spent the last couple of days reading through her writings (they are fantastic so check them out http://www.blogger.com/profile/09789771023962578029) and happened upon one of dreams in which her mother was a way for Jesus to represent himself in a safe and familiar way to her. This was like getting smacked in the back of the head and having all of the lights come on all at once. I finaly got what my dream was. A little slow but what a rewarding end.

I find it amazing to think about the ways that God uses to speak to us. I had to circumnavigate the globe via the internet to understand my dream and in the process have found two more people with similar hearts and a love for Jesus so I guess thanks should be given where thanks is due.

God I thank you for this day, this life, this breath, these friends, family and enemies of mine. I thank you for knowing me in a way that I could never know myself and for showing me the way to You through my stubborn self centered heart. I thank you for making this dream a great way to connect with you and more of my brothers and sister in you. I am so sorry for not having the faith in you that you deserve and I am so thankful for your faith in me that I don't deserve. God I pray that you continue to speak to my heart in a way that open it more and more to you. I pray that my heart breaks for the things that break yours. Lord I pray for these new friends of mine and thank you for bringing them into my life in a way that I could have never imagined. I pray that you bless them through me and the conversations that I have with them. I pray that you use us to further expand your kingdom and love into this world. I thank you for showing me that there is a whole world put there and that I can reach it from right here through you God. In your holy name I pray these things. Amen.

Be blessed and may you find yourself pursuing God with all of your hearts.