Today is a great day to become an uncle!

Today I officially became an uncle. I've been called uncle Caleb by a number of kids already and I love each of them so dearly but today my sister gave birth to my niece. She is incredible!!! I was at the door the whole time trying to catch what was happening inside the room. It was an emotional roller coaster for me. I was so frustrated because I couldn't take the pain from my sister. She's pretty flippin' tough, she did it naturally. That's right no epidural. I'm not saying that she didn't call for it, I'm just saying that she didn't get one. I was so tense. My fists were balled up, my shoulders were tight and my jaw was set. My mind was racing! I just wanted to take the pain from her so bad...then I heard my niece cry. My body loosened, my tears started and it became difficult to talk. In that one moment my body changed, my emotions changed and my life changed. I have so many dreams and hopes for her. On the nursery wall at the hospital there is this quote;

A new baby is the beginning of all things...
Wonder, Hope and a Dream of Possibilities.

She really is all of those things. There is something so pure and incredible about her. It's so unreal to hold her and think back to when my sister was born or to imagine myself like that. I Couldn't even imagine what it would be like if I were to be holding my own someday.

So the birth went pretty well. It was quick but obviously not painless. After the birth my sister bled out a fair amount of blood. When they took her to the bathroom she passed out and they called for us to help. I came into the room quickly and saw her in the wheel chair with her head back and her eyes open but rolled back. I've seen some horrible wrecks and more than my share of dying people and have always remained calm and collected. When I saw her my mind took off! I got to her as quickly as possible and lifted her to the bed then started checking her pulse and other such things while the nurses did their thing. This time was so different, I wasn't exact or totally calm like I used to be. It was scary.

She is doing fine now. I think she's eating a turkey sandwich actually.

Shortly after that she got a call from a dear friend who is pregnant and then I got a call from another one of her friends who wanted to let me know that one of their friends just lost her step father in a plane crash. Today is a great reminder of the beautiful and fragile nature of life. I was watching a movie with someone special last week and the movie was about a man who was losing his wife to a brain tumor. He was some kind of scientist who was searching for a cure to save her. He fought and fought to save her but he didn't get the cure finished until the day she died. He said that death is a disease and it could be cured. I disagree. He ended up getting a second chance at chasing the cure or being with his wife and ended up choosing that time with her. That made me smile.

I guess these are just the ramblings of a tired man. Scattered all over the place but some how coming together in my head in a way that might only make sense to me like the odd chaos of a dream that just seems natural no matter how odd it is. I guess to wrap it up I would say that life is to be lived no matter how long or short it might be. Death is just as natural as birth. Hold on to love. I'm sitting here watching my sister hold her baby and it is by far one of the most beautiful and natural things that I have ever seen.

Random thoughts on Love

My dear friend Natalie once recommended that I read this book about Gods love for us. It was a fictional book but biblically based and I found it to be good. I wouldn't say that the writing itself was great but the message was. It's something that I completely agree with but I don't necessarily think that I've found the proper understanding of. It's Gods Love. I know that there is a God but I don't understand God. I understand that God has a personal attachment to me that is best described as Agape, the greek version of God's Love. I have a diluted idea of the power of Love in my own experiences and incidents that I have witnessed or heard of and it is beautiful. If you prescribe to the Christian faith then you have an incredible example of Gods Love in the man named Yeshua, Christ, Jesus. He Loved fiercely! He Loved openly and His Love was vast. I want to Love like that. I really want to Love like that!

So I was sitting in a hot tub last night with some good friends and we started talking about people who spend $5,000 on bedding for one bed. It made my blood boil! I found myself adding up how many kids that money could put through high school in Kenya and things like that. I'm still wrapping my mind around what happened in my heart and in my mind last night as that conversation continued. Here's where I am at with it. I find it a repulsive thought and find myself quickly judging those who do it. In that act I am polluting my heart and Love for another...I haven't even met them for crying out loud!!! I had to apologize for where I allowed my heart and mouth to go. It's tragic that the greed for money has the opportunity to corrupt hearts who don't even have the desire for it and are completely removed from it. It's tragic that I allowed it. I can honestly tell you that there is still bitterness in my heart for such things and that I have a long way to go with it.

Here's another thought that has come from my hot tub time with these friends. We were talking about youth and what we can do to better things for them. I'm a firm believer that change always begins with you. How can I ask another to change if I'm unwilling to change myself. So in our conversation someone brought up the phrase "what can we, the church, do....". My immediate thought was that "we" is not just the church but the whole human race and the responsibility lies in each and every one of us! My feeling is that when we try to make it the responsibility of "the church" we are saying that "the church folk" are higher than others in morals and responsibility. I disagree with that. There are plenty of opportunities to show lack of morals in "non-christians" but I also remember spending many sleepless nights with someone that I love dearly as they fought with their youth pastor in dreams as he and others from the church continued to abuse this person many years beyond the original offense. My thought and feeling is that the responsibility lies in the hands of every single soul on the face of this earth. Do not separate but come together! That seems a lot like real Love to me.