On October 8th I found my father dead after he had committed suicide. One brief moment turned my whole world completely upside down. It has been almost three months and that moment is constantly on my mind. It's not as bad as it was but it still plagues my dreams and taints my happiness...but not as much as it did last month. I could go into this for a very long time but here is the cliff notes version. He killed himself because of the dark place that he allowed himself to go to and I will not allow that in my own life, the only life that I truly control. My sister and I have become closer than ever and continue to grow our love and respect for each other as each decision in the mess that followed his death has come up. My mother is simply amazing! My girlfriend has stood next to me and supported me the best that she can and hash't given up on me through my mood swings and indecisiveness. Forgiveness is a must and often times has to happen numerous times in an moment for the same thing. I am richly blessed in friends and family. Life is good! It really is much more than just a t-shirt logo.
On to the rest of the year, I had to get that out of the way so that I could focus on the rest with out it's dark cloud over it. I started out the year on crutches after dropping a gun safe on my foot and having surgery to try and fix it. My foot isn't the same but I can still do all of the things that I love doing so we're still ahead of the game! I had a man tantrum in the drive way one morning when both crutches slide out form under me on the ice. I threw my crutches and laid there on the ground cussing very upset at my situation. Now I just laugh at it, I love perspective! Just before the tantrum a man had fallen through my ceiling. It's kind of hard not to chuckle, isn't it? Even though I was on crutches I had my father next door and my mother, sister and beautiful niece a mile away. I lived in a beautiful place and was about to meet another soul that would change my life.
I got the cast off after two months in it and on crutches. I had broke two casts in that time, done wheelies down the street on my dirt bike with my leg hanging off the side. Got busted by mom while doing those wheelies and she was out on a walk. The bike spent awhile in the garage after that. I got pretty good at Black Ops on the X-Box. Learned how to do all kinds of things like snow blow and fix fences while on one foot. Oh yeah, I chased horses, that got out, as well! Shortly after I became a biped again I went on a date with a crazy Armenian woman who like to touch my beard on our first date. I just got off the phone with her :-) I was able to get in about ten days of boarding but had to take off my boot between runs because the swelling in my foot didn't let it get enough circulation but they were good days!!! I had my second surgery on the foot and was allowed to do my own stitches on an office visit a couple of weeks later. So cool! My niece and I got to spend a lot of time together while my sister worked and I loved it! I love her so much!!! She calls me Beeba. I know that it doesn't sound anything like uncle Caleb but it sounds magical anyways. She loves motorized wheeled things. She loves cruising in the heavy equipment, on dirt bikes and quads, with her Grandfather on the riding mower and has even tried to get the push mower going. RC helicopters freak her out though! The morning after my father died she was walking around blabbering into a fake phone and made me smile. She does that a lot.
I was able to board the mountain with my mother and my father last winter. My Dad and I did some great rides in the mountains surrounding us. My dearest friend and I got to mix it up in the same mountains twice even though he still lives in Cali. I went to a hooka bar in San Fran with my two of my very good friends...then ran from the same hooka bar (still laughing). Went to the Cakebread Cellars winery in Napa and sampled fine wines then moved on to Redding where we played on the lake and golf course. I spent Valentines day in a hot tub with those two same friends and the wife of one of them. My girlfriend was a bit jealous and is still trying to wrap her head around the three guys in a hot tub on Valentines day thing.
I jumped a ravine in Swing Arm City Utah!!! My new found dirt biking buddy and I made a last minute trip to Goblin Valley and Swing Arm City to do some truly epic riding to ring in the new dirt biking season. Another friend took me to a motocross track for the first time and it was a blast. It would be way to easy to get really hurt out there! I'll stick with exploring the mountains on my bike. Normally I go through three rear tires to every one front tire but this year I found single track riding so tight and crazy that I tore off all of the side knobby's on my front tires that I had to replace them just as often. Well worth it!
Work has been fun with new challenges and exciting relationships. I am so blessed to get the opportunity to spend time with the youth that we get and with such a good team. It is difficult to pour so much into an individual and then watch them graduate and move on with their lives but it is also very rewarding.
My sister and mother have these neighbors that I love! We spend tons of time together and got to have some great days on the lake this summer. I can still wake board! I am still amazed at how good it feels to be in the water. I even traded a boat for a dirt bike. My mother and I got spend some great time together on it after it broke down and we paddled it half way across the lake.
I have entered into that scary place of loving a woman again. It is so great yet so scary! At least we're in it together. She has introduced me to fine dining, gambling in Wendover, sushi, Armenian, climbing, and a whole new world of gaming. Did you know that couples can actually sit down and enjoy the X-Box together?! Mind boggling!!! We have had to go into those self serving places and tear down those walls together a few times and continue to learn from them and come out stronger than before.
I was able to get one more day with my whole family together, smiling, happy, and real before my father died. We were playing with my niece on the floor together the night before he killed himself. It's so bittersweet. My sister and I went through all of the things that my grandparents left my father and us and found all kinds of treasures like my grandfathers dog tags from WWII or a ring that he had made that I now wear. We found my grandmothers sketch books and got to go through her paintings again. It has been an adventure learning more and more about their lives. On Christmas Eve my aunt, uncle, grandmother, cousins, and girlfriend all came over to my mother and sisters house for a Christmas celebration. I love my family. It was nothing short of wonderful. Shortly before my father died I was driving home and was thinking how blessed my life was. I'm surrounded by loved ones in a beautiful place. He really is especially fond of me.
Two days ago I realized that I still hadn't been to Moab utah so I left work early, loaded up my truck and hit the road. I had a great day riding some of the most challenging and exciting terrain on the face of the earth.
2011 has taught me to bounce back, to love deeply, to appreciate the ones you love, to never take a day for granted, to be passionate, to forgive, to forgive again, to live and that God still loves me...a lot!
Okay 2012, I'm ready!!!!
