The first thing that I was told today was that a friend had passed away last night. I smiled inside and felt loss at the same time. Maxine had lost the love of her life recently and in December said that she was done. She had lived a good life and was surrounded by people that loved her and that she loved in return. May we all be so blessed. I smiled because she is back with Ralph. Oh man did she love Ralph. I wish I could understand the way that she felt when she said that she wanted to be with him again but I can only appreciate it at this point in my life.
Over the past 10 months I have had 3 people that I had a good relationship, at one point or another, with die. Another man that I was just getting to know and even another "family" member, that I wasn't very close with, die. It has been an interesting year in this aspect. I've looked a man in the eyes when he died and have seen a number of dead people. I've seen them come back from death. After all of this and my faith I have, what I believe to be, a strong appreciation and understanding of death. Even so, I would never want to see the day that my sister passes on and I fear the day that my Mother or Father does. I realize that life is terminal and I'm completely OK with that. There have been times when I didn't think that I would see the rest of the day and I was scared but accepting. With God in my life the fear as subsided even though I don't want to leave this earth because I feel like I have so much of God's work to do here.
It's funny because the more that I think about death the more that I think about life and all of the blessings that God has bestowed upon me. I really do love life!!! I try to soak up every bit of it that I can and I know that I have a long way to go on learning how to do this well. It saddens me to see people sit around idle. To be in front of their TV the second that they walk in the door. The see places all around the world from their living room but they never experience them. There is no feel of the mist on their skin as the ride through a cloud or the smell of the fresh rain in an Irish castle while you hear horses outside moving around and snorting. You can't feel the wind pushing the fog bank off of the coast or your gloved hand moving through the powder while carving fresh tracks on your board. WHAT A TRAGEDY!!!
There is a pulse to life that God has given us and each of us has something that breathes life into us. The laugh of a child, a field of indian paintbrush and golden poppy's, a run through a ravine, reading by the campfire, etc. I urge you to use that pulse. Just like the heart it needs exercise to stay healthy. I am a true believer in the saying that life is what happens to you between the plans. It's the "little" things of everyday life that can get that pulse beating. Find them they are there. God has surrounded us with them, we just need to quiet our minds and focus on God and they will be there. I watched a man and a woman dance in the parking lot of an elderly home at 2 in the morning one time and I have never forgot it. I guarantee you their pulse was beating, it was getting it's exercise. What do you do to get your pulse beating? This is important!!! Are
we just to exist and not to live? I'm so afraid that I will not live enough to experience all that God has created for me to experience, even the rough stuff. It's all there for me to go through.....to live through. He's got it figured out for us we just have to still our minds, open our hearts, and ALWAYS say yes to Him.
God I thank you for the chance to write now. To live in place where I have the freedoms to do so and praise you publicly. God I thank you for giving me this pulse and letting it beat in my soul everyday. God I pray for all of those people out there who are so "satisfied with mediocrity and fear making manifest your glory within them. Lord I thank you for walking with me and holding my heart in your hands when I hurt and reminding me that there is a reason for it and that all things are better with you God. I thank you for bringing to me to this place right now and reminding me to live right here right now. God I lift up the people that will read this and I pray that they would open up some communication with me that is from you God. I pray that our interactions would be fruitful and would breathe life into each others pulses, that we would excite each other to find these things in everyday life and cherish them for what they are God. I pray these things Jesus name, AMEN!!!
pictures
Top-Between the clouds on Copley Mt.
middle- In memory of Ed Andrew (far left next to me)
Bottom-Smith Rock summit, Colin Cass. What a day!
7 comments:
To quote one of my country songs:
"There's two dates in time that they'll carve on your stone,
and everyone knows what they mean,
but what's more important is the time that is known,
as that little dash there in between"
Thanks for the reminder to REALLY live.
caleb, you completely strike me as someone who is all in where life is concerned -- that you are completely, fully, & deeply engaged in where you're at at the given moment. that's so very important, & so hard for so many people in this world ... it seems like we're always looking back or looking ahead, not just being where we are.
the pics you shared were so appropriate -- pics of life being lived fully, going all out. living with arms wide open!!!!!
hope you're having a good weekend in oregon ... ;o)
Dean- When Ed died last summer someone was talking about how there are two dates on your tombstone and that it's the dash that's important. From that day on I've had the words "the dash" on my cell phone banner to constantly remind me of today, right here, right now. It's so weird how we're so far away and have never met but our hearts are so similar.
Kirsten- I sure hope that is the way that my life is being lived. It sure seems like a real waste if it's not. It reminds me of what a gas attendant told me one time ( I think it's a bumper sticker):Sing like no one is listening, Dance like no one is watching, and love like you've never been hurt. I find so much truth and fear in all three of those.
So reach out your arms, worship God like no one is listening, and just love and be loved. I guess now is that time to fly.
For both of you- What makes your pulse beat? Kirsten, you can't use lattes!
Nice. I can see little bits of your personality shining through!! I love it.
a little bit about what keeps me excited
... I know this sounds ridiculous, but one of the things I look forward to the most is watching the world around me. We have a little pond on campus that just had a bunch of little fish put in. Last week some of them were no longer than my pinky nail (and I have little pinkys!!) I've intentionally walked over the bridge and stopped to watch to baby fish every day since. I'm convinced (well, in my imagination, anyway) that watching them helps them grow... they're getting bigger!!
The roses are starting to bloom too. There is this huge patch of yellow ones that are SO fragrant!! And there is a little black and white loon living on the big pond. If you sit out there around sunset, the red-winged blackbirds are all flying around and singing. If you sit on the east swing you have a picture perfect view of the sunset...
My bird feeders are getting lower too!! That means we have little hummingbird, sparrow and finch visitors almost every day.
I don't get quite the thrill out of wheelies and snowboarding as you do. I usually hurt myself... and I'm pitiful when I'm hurt... But there's something about watching the little tiny apples on the fruit trees get bigger and change color that amuses me to no end....
Outside of those things, people, discipleship, church-planting, business as ministry and guitars get me excited!!! Each in varying degrees and for different reasons..
God's intricately created world brings me joy, and the work of the holy spirit makes my heart race!!
at least If you ever want to watch baby fish or feed ducks you know who to call....
Jessica- I sure do miss you. It was good to see you tonight but it would be good to spend more time with you soon. I love how you find the pulse in so many easy to find yet amazing things.
Aww... You miss me? I miss you too! Maybe You, Me and Nat can all hang out again! Maybe this time we could actually make it out to the lake!! You know how to find me!!
If I don't talk to you before Friday, have a blast at the retreat.
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