Over the past 2 months or so I have had some very vivid and frightening dreams once every two weeks or so. Upon reflection I feel like they are from the spiritual warfare going on around me. I think about the Frank Peretti books (hi Dean) and his frightening descriptions of spiritual warfare. I also think about how he would describe the angels and how they would cover a saint with their wings when the time was right. What set this whole thought process off again was another blogger and some of the things mentioned in her blog. When I read it my most recent vivid dream made complete sense and I feel like I should share this with you. I get self conscious about it because I find it hard to just blab about some thing liek this because there is a very low chance of it becoming a deeper conversation between myself and you but here is goes any ways. Please forgive all spelling and grammatical errors.The dream takes place on a small lake behind my uncle and aunts place in Park City Utah during the winter when it is iced over. I'm sure that is is a rather shallow lake, maybe 40-60 feet deep. During this dream I find myself trying to rescue a horse that has fallen through the ice and is stuck. My mother is there with me helping this horse out when all of the sudden we find ourselves in the freezing water. I can still feelmy body locked up from the cold and that tight feeling on my chest like there is an electrical shocking keeping all of my muscles constricted so tight that I can only get out small gasps of air. Almost right away there is some one there to help us out and as I reach for their hand I get pulled under with an amazing force. I am sinking so fast that I can barely understand it. I remember reaching up and seeing my arm and hand pointed to the surface and trying to figure out how I can get back up there. I remember thinking that the lake is shallow and I should be at the bottom soon and from there I can push off of it and get back to the top. My muscles are still so tight from the cold water that I can't swim against the force because I'm nearly paralized so I just stare up at my mother who is looking back down at me with her arms reaching for me but she had a peaceful look on her face.
I remember that point where I knew that I was going to die. I remember that thought that this was it and that there was no point in fighting anymore. It was such a strange place to be. There was a peace about it. I kept my eyes fixed on my mother and just wated to tell her that I love her. I just had this strong desire to let her know that I love her. I kept sinking and at the moment that I was going to die I woke up.
I finaly caught my breath and it fealt so good to be able to breathe. I was scared though so I started to pray. I asked God for the purpose of the dream and He told me that it was because I was slipping away from Him again and I needed to get back to Him. This made no sense to me because it was my mother that I was slipping away from so I just dismissed it as my thoughts instead of Him talking to me. I'm a slow learner. Lucky for me God knows how to talk to my stubborness. About the that time a couple of weeks ago a guy from South Africa wrote to me on my blogs (hello again Dean) and we had a couple of conversations since then. A couple of days ago I was reading Mr. Demars blog and it made me go to Deans to ask him a question and I got turned onto another blog by Kirsten (hi Kirsten) and I have spent the last couple of days reading through her writings (they are fantastic so check them out http://www.blogger.com/profile/09789771023962578029) and happened upon one of dreams in which her mother was a way for Jesus to represent himself in a safe and familiar way to her. This was like getting smacked in the back of the head and having all of the lights come on all at once. I finaly got what my dream was. A little slow but what a rewarding end.
I find it amazing to think about the ways that God uses to speak to us. I had to circumnavigate the globe via the internet to understand my dream and in the process have found two more people with similar hearts and a love for Jesus so I guess thanks should be given where thanks is due.
God I thank you for this day, this life, this breath, these friends, family and enemies of mine. I thank you for knowing me in a way that I could never know myself and for showing me the way to You through my stubborn self centered heart. I thank you for making this dream a great way to connect with you and more of my brothers and sister in you. I am so sorry for not having the faith in you that you deserve and I am so thankful for your faith in me that I don't deserve. God I pray that you continue to speak to my heart in a way that open it more and more to you. I pray that my heart breaks for the things that break yours. Lord I pray for these new friends of mine and thank you for bringing them into my life in a way that I could have never imagined. I pray that you bless them through me and the conversations that I have with them. I pray that you use us to further expand your kingdom and love into this world. I thank you for showing me that there is a whole world put there and that I can reach it from right here through you God. In your holy name I pray these things. Amen.
Be blessed and may you find yourself pursuing God with all of your hearts.
9 comments:
You know, I barely know you yet I'm getting to like you more and more each time we interact. (If "interact" is the right word for this type of communication!) You're really straightforward and honest which is great cos I don't usually have patience for the alternative :)
The dream sounds hectic. As I said to Kirsten I'm usually quite affected by my dreams so I can relate to how something like this would shake you up. I'm really pleased though, that our chance meeting here has helped you find your way to God's purpose in this dream.
Wow, Caleb. Again, WOW. And hello again, friend.
When I write these things, I have no idea how they might reach another person down the line. It’s amazing how blogging has turned into that for me & for many of my blogging friends: these things we write about minister to each other in the most amazing & unexpected of ways. You might be surprised how God is going to use these experiences you’re sharing right here on your blog in the present, or even down the line.
Who knew that when I had that dream that my writing of it would help you to understand these own spiritual warfare dreams you’ve been having? They sound terrifying & the way you described it, I remembered vividly my own feelings of being suffocated, weighted down, sinking fast. That’s what the enemy does. Argh!!
I find myself wondering what the horse might represent in your dream: a horse fallen through the ice & you are trying to rescue it because he is trapped, & in the process you get trapped, too. But then it seems like there’s a sense of peace even though you know you’re going to die; you see your mother & want to tell her that you love her, but it doesn’t seem to cause any panic in you.
Let me say that I’m no dream interpreter, but all this does make me think of a couple things: the whole dying thing, I think of death to self (and I say this primarily because it’s something I’m struggling to do in several areas of my life right now, so I feel fairly aware of that). Just with the presence of your mom there (representing Christ) and you feeling peaceful in the midst of that … it seems that since Christ already has you in His grip, one way the enemy might try to keep you from living in the fullness of life that Christ offers is to keep you tied to old ways of living/doing/being. Maybe there’s peace there in that kind of dying because what Christ offers us is so much better than what we try to hang onto about doing it our way.
I don’t know, like I said, I’m not trying to interpret your dream, but these are some things that I thought about as I read & re-read what you wrote about your dream.
And can I just say this, Caleb? I am so excited for you!!!!! The enemy only attacks when he feels threatened, so you’re doing something right!! First of all, you’re God’s child now. The enemy hates that. You’re totally covered in the blood of Christ & you’ve embarked on a crazy & amazing journey. You’re following Him & seeking Him with your whole heart & that’s something that drives the enemy nuts too. I’m really thankful that our paths have crossed & that we get to share in each other’s journey together.
Blessings to you, Caleb!!!!
P.S. That's a fantastic photo!! Did you take that?
Sorry Caleb, I should have mentioned that if you commented on my blog or visited any of my buddies that you'd risk ending up with a whole bunch of really cool, friendly people dropping by to say hello ;)
As for that Kirsten girl, I've also never met her in person, but she seems ok to me ...
thanks, dean!! ;o)
actually, caleb came & found me (through your own blog, i think!!).
who woulda thought??
:o)
Dean- I know exactly what you mean! It's crazy how we have this little spread out community that is so similar in so many ways. It's crazy how we can just find each other like this....or is it? Praises to God for making it happen. Maybe some day we'll all be able to make the community get together face to face. How does Fiji sound? I hear Bora Bora is nice if Fiji doesn't work.
Kirsten-What do I say....WOW life is just to crazy and spectacular at the same time. I look forward to seeing what comes of these blogs. They were just to chat with Jessica because of conflicting schedules and now we've gone around the world. Who'd of thunk it?
I'm still trying to place the horse thing and the only thing that I can think of is that it's from some rescue videos that I used to have to watch when I was a fireman. That seems pretty shallow so maybe it will make sense in couple of months as I read another blog.
I was thinking about the being attacked byt he enemy thing and I had another attack later in the week that would have sucked me in BC but I stood tall against it so I look forward to them now. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Gods will be done as long as I follow Him. With that I will always be victorious and I will grow in strength and faith every time so bring it on!!! I love a challenge!
I'm glad that you enjoyed the photo. It was taken in early October out on Whiskeytown lake from my canoe. I spent the night out there for my 29th birthday. I will hopefully be doint the same tomorrow night with my great friend Dave. I'm so blessed to live where I do. That lake is twenty minutes from my house and great for sailing, canoeing, mountain biking, snorkeling, and I'm trying windsurfing as soon as the weather hits 80 degrees.
You really need to stop speaking the word "shallow" over yourself. You're not...
And as far as this fun little group of people from all over the world goes, I think it's exciting... I don't think I actually said that tonight when we were talking. Maybe a little extraordinary, but good.
Have a fabulous morning, friend!!
Jessica- I will wipe it from my vocabulary except in jest. I think they are pretty exciting as well.
Thank you. You are more of a blessing than you know. I look forward to our little chats about nothing, and long talks about tough stuff. I think you're great!! And I can't wait to see what this next year turns into!!
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